Saving Grace
by AliceOfTheVorpalSword
Summary: Drama, Romance, Hogwarts. What more could a girl want? Rated for mature audiences only for language and occasional smut. Lily is softening, James is swooning, Sirius is running, and Snape is meddling. From end of year 5 to the First War.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Here's a lovely little extra long introduction chapter for you. Please review! Much thanks. It's going to get more __involved__ as we go along._

* * *

**Lily liked her days planned out and prepared for. She didn't like surprises.**

Date: January 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Lily Evans

* * *

Tapping was coming from somewhere and it wouldn't stop. I groaned and rolled over, pulling the comforter firmly over my head.

"For God's sake, make it stop," Petunia's voice snapped from the hallway.

I sighed and peeked over the edge of the comforter. Tap tap tap.

My eyes scanned my room and stopped at my window. A tawny barn owl sat there, repeatedly putting his beak against the glass of my window. A letter sat tied to his leg. I sighed and resolved to get out of the comfort of my warm bed.

As soon as my feet touched the cold wood of my floor I groaned. I wrapped the comforter around me and tottered over to my window. A cold blast of air blew in as soon as I pushed it open. I shivered, but the owl hopped gratefully in to sit on the inner ledge. I opened the tin box I had stuffed full of owl treats and fed one to him while I unwrapped the letter from its binding. As soon as it was off he flew away. Apparently the sender wasn't waiting for a reply. Brushing back red strands of hair from my face, I latched the window shut again and wandered over to sit cross legged on my bed. The parchment lacked the weight of official School letters. I slid my finger under the seal and unfolded it, scanning the sentences quickly.

_Dear Ms. Evans,_

_I hope you've had a delightful holiday at home. This December was considerably chillier than previous._

_This is just a friendly reminder that we'll be expecting you at the Prefects meeting on the train to get you and all of your fellow prefects reacquainted with what's expected. See you at 9:30 sharp!_

_Best,_  
_Alice Purdue_  
_Head Girl_

I could feel my lips tugging up into a smile. Today was the day I got to go back to Hogwarts. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table and sighed. It was seven in the morning; two more hours until I had to be at the train station. My sister, on the other hand, started her term in thirty minutes.

The door creaked open behind me, and I turned on my bed to see who it was. The second I started to shift, I knew. The sickeningly sweet perfume my sister was fond of wearing pervaded the room before I could set eyes on her. She stood on the threshold, not daring to step foot into my "defiled cave" as she so called it.

"What do you want," I said without any real emotion.

"Mum wants me to say goodbye. So, goodbye. I hope you have fun with all your freak friends." The venom in her voice was unmistakable.

Her dull little blue eyes glared at me, daring me to rise to her taunt. I rolled my eyes.

"You have fun with your dull muggle friends too, Tune."

She huffed and slammed the door. I heard her feet pound down the stairs and heard her yell goodbye to our parents as she ran out the door. One of her friends honked the horn of their car obnoxiously until she got in. I raced to the window and watched as the little yellow VW peeled off down the street. I stuck my tongue out at it and grinned.

Time to get ready.

My trunk was already packed and ready to go by my door. My Gryffindor uniform hung on a hanger in my closet, and my shoulder bag was set with the homework I had completed over holiday. The only things left to do were to shower, change, and put everything into the boot of the car.

First things first, I decided. I walked across the cold tile of my bathroom and set the water to heat. The old boiler downstairs would need a few minutes to get going. I brushed my teeth and flossed, deciding to get that out of the way.

A knock fell on the door. I looked up to see my mother smiling.

"I thought you were already up. Always the early riser," she said.

I rinsed and grinned back. "Don't want to waste the daylight before it's even here," I joked.

She chuckled, her blue eyes sparkling. Pet had gotten her tame blonde hair and blue eyes. Lucky twit. I, on the other hand, had gotten our mother's vertically challenged height. I was only 5' 6", which my parents said was a perfectly respectably height for a girl, but I disagreed. It made me too curvy. It was impossible to find clothes that didn't sit so snugly everywhere. For Merlin's sake! Couldn't a girl ask for a baggy sweater every once in a while!

Meanwhile, my hair was always everywhere. Blame my dad for that. I got his curly untamable flaming red locks. It made me stick out like a sore thumb wherever I was. Always escaping out of whatever I did to it. Lately I'd just taken to plaiting it – it seemed the most humane thing to do besides chopping it all off.

Anyway. My mother was a beauty. She had won several contests in her youth, and her trophies were displayed proudly at our Grammy's house. Even now, it was impossible not to stare at my mother. She also had the amazing ability of making friends with anyone. A trait neither of us girls had inherited.

"Well, your father's making deluxe waffles, so better hurry down."

"Oh, yum! Right, well water should be warm by now. I'll be down soon."

My mother waved and closed the door gently behind her. I hopped into the shower after testing it with my fingers and scrubbed down. After toweling dry I yanked the comb through my locks and dressed up in my grey, gold, and red plaid skirt and white button down. I pulled on my slippers and raced down the stairs.

"In record time, Lily Evans makes her way across the finish line..." Dad's voice boomed out as I slid into the kitchen.

I grinned and gave him a hug at his place by the griddle. The huge silver waffle iron steamed as he flipped it.

"Mmmm," I sighed as I inhaled. "Smells delicious."

My mother smiled over the rim of her coffee cup. "Someone's happy to be getting away from us, Henry," she voiced to my father.

I rolled my eyes and pecked her on the cheek.

"More like getting away from Tune," I muttered.

She pretended not to hear.

"Ah, she's just happy to get back to the boys," Dad said mischievously.

He set the platter of waffles down on the table. I immediately grabbed some and put them on my plate, slathering them with butter and syrup.

"At least one of our girls knows how to eat, Rose."

"Oh, Lily please. Don't just stuff them in all at once. People will think you've been raised by wolves."

I swallowed and took a sip of milk, obliging her.

"Did Tune not eat?" I said sarcastically. She never ate. My sister was a walking stick.

"She took a slice of toast." Mum looked worried.

"She'll be fine, Rose. I'm sure she has a chocolate stuffed away somewhere."

I snorted. When they looked at me I went back to shoveling food into my mouth.

"Taking your presents, Lily?" Mum asked after a few minutes.

I looked over into the living room, where the wilting tree sat next to the window. Muggle and magical presents sat in an absurd pile under its branches. I had gotten a set of Exploding Snap from Dorcas, a new book from Remus, a vial of French perfume from Imogen, Liar's Glass from Marlene, socks from Tune, new robes from my parents, various other gifts from distant family members,and a set of glass potions vials from Severus.

I frowned at the vials. Severus Snape. Normally my best mate, but lately we've been fighting a lot. He absolutely refused to stop hanging round those Slytherins, including Evan Rosier, who hated my guts, by the way. All they did was muggle bash. Sev kept insisting that they were learning so much more; more powerful magic than what was taught. He said that they were being "enlightened". I didn't like that. I was pretty sure that Rosier dabbled in the Dark Arts. I tried talking Severus out of it, but I think they'd gotten too deep into his brain.

"Red, are you alright?" Dad rumbled.

I smoothed out my frown and smiled. I didn't want them to worry.

"Just fine. Alright if I leave a few home?"

My dad nodded and reached for his front shirt pocket. I knew he was looking for his cigs. His face fell as he remembered that the doctor had made him quit. My mum rubbed his arm and he gave her a rueful smile.

"Eat some waffles. They'll fill the want. I have to get ready." I said while popping up from the table.

I set my dishes in the sink and kissed my dad on the cheek. Then I skipped out of the kitchen and raced back up to my room. I had to make sure that I had everything on the checklist.

Hogwarts, I'll be on my way!

* * *

**James never planned for anything (except Quidditch). He liked to handle what life threw at him.**

Date: January 1976  
Year 5, second term  
James Potter

* * *

"James!"

I vaguely heard the banshee like screech that came from somewhere on the floor below me. I added another pillow on top of my head and drifted off into comforting unconsciousness.

"James Alexander Ignotus Potter! You'll be late!"

"Mother, _please_. I'm trying to sleep." I mumbled.

My covers were yanked unceremoniously from my pleasantly comfortable body. I groped for them, but they skittered out of reach. Cold air tickled my chest and I changed course to grab my glasses instead. I jammed them onto my nose and the world came into focus. My blankets were dancing at the foot of my bed, swirling in thin air.

"Get up, dear, or I'll open the windows," my mum's voice said, deceptively sweet.

"Alright, alright," I grumbled.

I vaulted out of bed and mussed my hair, glancing around at my room. It was a mess. My trunk stood open in the middle of it, half unpacked from last term. I hadn't touched my books over the holidays at all. My clothes were, Thank Merlin, neatly folded, thanks to the house elves. I threw in a few odds and ends and spun around, trying to see what I'd missed. I glanced at the watch on my side table and cursed. I only had half an hour to get down to the station to catch the train.

My broom was downstairs in the front hall, my snitch somewhere in the pile of shoes, and Barmy the Owl was…

Oh bloody hell, I didn't have time to look for Barmy.

I dashed in and out of the shower, and then tried simultaneously to comb my hair flat and brush my teeth. Not that I was trying too hard about the hair - Potter family signature, the hair...at least for us blokes. I shaved in record time and then hopped around the room, trying to find my jeans…and my money…and my keys. At least I knew where my wand was. I turned my gaze to my bedside table and…

"Shit! Mum! Where's my wand?" I bellowed.

"No need to shout, dear."

She walked into my room and made a face at the state of things. Her hazel eyes narrowed to my shirtless body and scoffed.

"Honestly, James, if you don't keep your shirts in their proper places, how do you ever expect to find them?"

"Accio," I muttered, my eyes still glancing around the room to see if I could find anything.

"And when you can't find your wand?" One of her eyebrows rose.

I shrugged. "Get my mates to find them." I grinned at her.

Mum rolled her eyes and shook out her modern-cut dark green robes. Then she brought out her wand and flicked. A shirt soared out of the pile and flew at my face. I caught it and pulled it on. I cleared my eyesight just in time to catch the wand making for my gut.

"_There's_ the Potter athlete," Dad's voice chuckled.

We shared a grin. Mum sighed in exasperation.

"For Agrippa's sake, just get packed," Mum said warily.

"We should get changed, Emmeline. We won't want to stick out around the muggles." Dad told her, holding her around the waist.

Her face softened and she turned to kiss him. I avoided the entire exchange by hopping around my room, stuffing things into my trunk. Pretty soon I was packed, they were changed, and everyone was bundled up in their coats by the door.

"Did you have breakfast?" Mum asked, pulling on her leather gloves.

"Twisp has made food for Mr. James!" Came a high pitched voice at my elbow.

I glanced down to see our Head House Elf standing with a covered plate wafting delicious smells in my direction. I took it and hugged her appreciatively. Well, more like held her head for a moment while she patted my leg. It worked.

"Thanks, Twisp."

Dad waved his wand and my trunk sunk down into the tiny boot of our muggle car. It was, of course, magically enhanced with special features like enlarged space, wizard radio, and flying power. I couldn't wait to get my muggle license. Maybe then I could drive over to Lily's, and she would be so impressed that I knew how to drive that she would…

"James, in the car," my mother called, grinning as she settled into the passenger seat. She loved family outings.

"Right," I said. I ambled toward the car and slid into the heated backseat.

"Do you have everything?" She asked as we circled around the front drive.

"Everything except Barmy," I replied.

The air was cold, and it was an overcast day. I hoped it would snow. My mates and I were planning on setting up snow battlements as soon as was able. We had a rematch scheduled.

"We'll send him along with anything you might have forgotten," Mum said decisively.

"Thanks."

Dad hummed along with some song on the Oldies Wizard Rock station. I didn't recognize it.

My mind drifted and I scarfed down the bacon and eggs Twisp had made me. I couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts. Life had been dull without my mates around the past week. I had already read all the books in the library anyhow, and none of the games were much fun with only one person. It was time to get back to Marauding.

* * *

**Sirius didn't hate his parents. Well, yeah, he hated them.**

Date: January 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Sirius Black

* * *

I trailed behind my family as we walked through Kings Cross. My parents sneered at all of the muggles pushing past them. I'm pretty sure they had been born with that facial expression, actually.

Reg walked with them, slightly behind. I rolled my eyes and stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets. All I wanted was to be at Hogwarts, in the Gryffindor tower. This past week of holiday had been complete bullshit. My parents never said anything worth hearing, and my brother was getting sucked in more and more with the praise they showered him with. It was disgusting, really. I had tried to talk with him when I could, but he refused to hear it. Our brotherly bond had broken the moment he had chosen to be in Slytherin. He'd sniffed and lifted his nose in the air, following our dear parents' example. The little fuck.

A glossy brunette bumped into me and smiled an apology. I grabbed her arm when she tottered on her heels.

"Thanks," she said, breathlessly.

"No problem. You alright?" I delayed a little with breaking contact.

I grinned at her and she dropped her eyes, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear before glancing back up at me.

"Sirius Orion, get away from that piece of filth."

The ice in my mother's voice was unmistakable. I glared at her. The girl chuckled nervously and backed away. I watched her go, her hips swaying as she continued on.

My parents looked like they were about to murder me right there. Regulus looked like he'd swallowed a fly.

"You lot are always such fun," I said sarcastically as I walked by them.

My father's hand took a vice grip around my arm. He yanked me to a stop. I glared up into his black eyes.

"Be careful with whom you associate, miscreant," he said in a voice so low it was a growl.

"We'll I'll keep my eyes open for the worst, then," I replied cheekily.

He raised his hand to strike me.

"Orion! Walburga!" A voice rang out.

My parents turned their gaze to see who hailed them. My eyes slid to the left to see the Potters striding toward us. I grinned and broke free of my father's grip. He huffed but didn't try to disgrace himself by grabbing me again.

"Emmeline, Alexander," My mother greeted them stiffly.

I knew my parents didn't approve entirely of the Potters, but they were purebloods, and possibly related, so they held their tongues.

James grinned at me and I clapped him on the back.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, mate," I muttered.

"Glad we got here when we did," he muttered back.

"It's been a bloody picnic." I rolled my eyes and took out a fag.

"So nice to see you, Sirius," Emmeline said, embracing me.

I hugged her back. "Nice to see you too," I told her.

When she withdrew she took my fag with her. I frowned, but she just winked. I knew she disapproved of my smoking, but she was just as sneaky as her son. I shook my head appreciatively. Alexander gripped my shoulder for a moment in greeting before shifting to speak with my father.

"Let's go," James said.

With that, our two families walked on until we got the barrier. Without bothering to see if anyone was watching, I starting running full tilt at the stone between platforms 9 and 10. I heard feet pounding right behind me and I put in an extra burst of speed. I kept my eyes open as I hit the wall, and then passed through. A cooling sensation hit me, and then I was out on the other side. James came one stride behind me.

"Bugger," he muttered, plowing into my back.

I laughed, and then sobered as my parents followed us through the barrier.

"Completely irresponsible," my mother snapped, and then led Reg to the opposite end of the platform.

My father sent a warning glare my way, and then followed behind them. He managed to dump my trunk on the cobblestones before, though, bless his heart. I snorted. James helped me heave it up on top of his trunk.

"Alright, Padfoot?" He asked.

I grinned. "Alright, Prongs."

"Hogwarts better watch out for you boys," Alexander said.

His blue eyes twinkled and Emmeline chuckled. "I shudder for Ms. Evans," she said slyly.

James turned beet red.

"Oh, yes, the ever purest maiden who hath won Sir James' heart," I supplied, sweeping off an imaginary hat and bowing toward him.

"Shove off, Padfoot," he grumbled.

I chuckled and straightened back up. It felt good to be with the Potters' and their normal family interactions. Merlin knew mine was complete bollocks.

"Ah," I said, catching a glimpse of red through the crowds, "Here comes the object of his affection now."

James couldn't quite hide the gleam in his eye. I pushed him forward and he reeled back. We watched as Lily boarded the train, laughing with her group of friends.

"Time to go boys," Alexander said.

James ran a hand through his messy mop and I grabbed the handle of my trunk.

"I'll take care of that, dear," Emmeline said, "just go."

She waved her wand and sent the two trunks to the end of the platform, where the workers were loading the undercarriages.

"Thanks Mum," I said, and kissed her cheek. I danced away and waved to Alexander. "Bye, Pops."

They chortled and then hugged James goodbye. He followed me onto the train.

"How'll they know where we are?" James asked, referring to our missing Marauders.

"Oh, how indeed," I said, tapping my wand against my chin.

Just then I spotted Wormtail craning his head around on the platform. I grinned at James, and then brought my wand sharply down. A banner spread across the outside window. Red wording appeared on it. At the same time pennants began waving, and poppers went off, getting the attention of almost everyone on the platform.

"Marauders," James read off, "Cute."

"I try."

I fell backwards onto the cushioned train bench.

"I'm sure your parents appreciated that one," James said, sitting beside me.

I shrugged and twirled my wand between my fingers.

"Nice that I don't give a fuck, then, isn't it." I said casually.

He pulled a face. Our compartment door was yanked open and Pete stepped in.

"Hey, Wormy!" I said, before James could get more into my family issues. I hated talking about my personal life.

"Hey guys. Nice banner," he said, gesturing toward the window.

I grinned. This term was going to be a blast.

Literally.

* * *

**Lily Evans liked her days to go as planned. She appreciated order.**

Date: January 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Lily Evans

* * *

A loud bang reverberated from the stones on the platform and through the carriages. I felt my eyes narrow. I hated disruptions, especially since I had only just seen my friends after holidays.

"What was that?" I asked, looking around.

Marlene, Dorcas, and Imogen looked amongst themselves.

"A loud bang, Lily," Gen answered.

Cheeky little Ravenclaw, wasn't she. I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe someone came a little early and decided to celebrate," she added, grinning.

The girls dissolved into giggles. I bit back my smile and stood. I was a prefect. I had to keep order or else Alice would do me in.

"I'll go and find a non-sarcastic answer, then, shall I?"

Gen winked and stood with me. She followed me out into the hall. I stopped to listen for sounds of ruckus making, and frowned when I didn't hear anything out of the ordinary. Students poked their heads out of compartments to find the source of the noise as well.

We continued down the way until I caught sight of someone who could help - Remus Lupin, school heartthrob, fellow fifth year Gryffindor prefect, and pegged as the good-boy in the Marauders.

"Remus!" I called.

He turned his head and fixed me with his deep brown eyes.

"Hi Lily, Hi Gen," he said.

Gen waved her fingers and smirked at him. "Know why the students are _already_ up in a tizzy, Remus dear?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I can take a guess."

"Where are they?" I asked. I could feel my brow furrowing.

"She's a bit upset," Gen said, putting her arm in the crook of mine.

I kept my eyes focused on Remus.

"I know where they are. They only draped a bloody banner outside the window," he muttered, leading the way down the hallway until he stopped in front of a closed door.

I raised my eyebrows at him and he nodded. I yanked the door open. The three boys inside stopped whatever they were doing and stared.

"What do you think you're doing? I snapped. My eyes flitted up to the window and gasped. It was all but blocked by a giant banner, and pennants were waving wildly out the opening at the top.

I felt my mouth open, and I couldn't find words to express my shock.

"Keen to find each other, were you?" Gen asked from behind me.

"Well, it worked," Sirius said, finally smiling.

I huffed. "Take it down this instant. For God's sake we're only on the train _three_ minutes and you're _already_ causing trouble."

"Not trouble, sweet prefect, just mere celebration," he said, stretching his feet to the other bench.

My eyes skipped to the messy-haired boy sitting next to him. He hadn't stopped staring, but now he was grinning as well.

"What are you staring at?" I snapped at him.

"Nothing," He said cheekily, and then waved his wand.

The decorations on their window disappeared, just as the train lurched forward. I hadn't even noticed the warning whistle. I bumped into Remus before regaining my balance.

"Think you can rein these boys in?" I asked him, flipping my plait off my shoulder.

The corner of his mouth barely lifted, and he nodded. I glanced once more at the boys before turning on my heel and leaving.

"Lily? I'll be along," Gen said quickly.

I shrugged and wandered back to our compartment. I knew that Gen was cousins with James _many_ times removed. I also knew she had distant family ties to the Rosier and Lestrange families as well. Imogen never took any notice, never brought it up, never interacted with them…well, except for Potter. I frowned.

"Find the noise, Lily?" Dorcas asked me as I stepped back in.

"Yes. It was the Marauders," I answered.

"Who else could it have been?" Marlene snickered.

Who else indeed.

* * *

**Imogen liked to keep her eyes open. You never knew what you might find.**

Date: January 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Imogen Blackwell

* * *

I leaned amiably against the doorframe.

"What's new, boys?" I asked.

"Well, we've been on the train for _three_ minutes, and already we're in trouble," Sirius answered, smirking, "But I'm sure James didn't mind."

James punched him.

"Mmm. Not nice to make fun of one of my best mates, Black," I said sweetly, stepping in and sitting down.

"Looks like family ties don't count anymore, James. Better watch out," Sirius joked.

"You're in an awfully good mood, considering who've been home for the last half of holiday," I retorted.

His face instantly soured. "How would you know. You've been in the French Riviera."

I raised an eyebrow, surprised.

"What goes around, comes around," Pete said, unwrapping a chocolate.

I plucked it out of his fingers and put it against my lips. "Why would you say that, Pete?" I bit into the chocolate slowly, watching as his eyes slightly widened.

Poor, innocent Pete.

"Stop teasing, Blackwell," Sirius growled.

I smirked at him and popped the whole chocolate into my mouth. I liked messing with the Marauders. James had told me once that I was the only other person who could give Sirius a run for his money in a game of wits, besides himself, of course.

"What were you up to, cousin?" I nodded toward James.

Remus settled in beside me and opened a book.

"Nothing much, when these devils weren't bothering me."

"Look who's calling the kettle black," Remus muttered.

I grinned and glanced down at his book. That's when I saw the red angry line of a healing cut running up the length of his arm. He had several of them. I gasped.

"Remus! What happened?" I grabbed his arm and took a closer look.

He squirmed out of my hold and rolled his sleeve down.

"Nothing, nothing," He said quickly, his eyes darting around to look at his friends.

"We had a rough game of Quidditch," Pete supplied.

"Oye," I said softly. "You boys better take it easy."

"Right. Anyway, nice to see you, Gen," James said quickly, standing up.

I made a face. "I'm not ready to leave, yet," I laughed.

He ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up in new directions.

"Maybe I should have gotten you Madame Curie's hair cementing gel for Christmas instead," I said thoughtfully.

"No! No, I mean," he sank back down on the seat, "I loved my new Quidditch gloves."

I looked hard at him.

"I really mean it. My old ones were starting to break," he said.

My smile must have assured him that he was out of danger, because he relaxed against the seat.

"Excitable, aren't you all?"

Remus shifted in his seat. "I have to go to the meeting with the Heads," he said.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," I said, popping up and following him out the door.

We ran into Lily in the hallway.

"I've just come to get Remus," she said, smiling.

"Have fun you two!" I called after them.

* * *

**Remus always tried his hardest to be normal. It was the only thing that kept him sane.**

Date: January 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Remus Lupin

* * *

_Shit. _Why hadn't I rolled down my sleeves before I had gotten on the ruddy train? I berated myself all the way down the hallway, following the redhead in front of me. I shook my head and punched myself.

"Remus? Are you alright?"

Lily's green eyes peered up into mine. I tugged on her plait.

"Fine, Lily, fine. Did your hair get even redder over Christmas?" I teased.

Her eyes widened in horror and she looked at her hair.

"Only teasing, Lily. I like your hair," I told her, grinning.

She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "You're impossible."

I smirked and opened the door to the prefect compartment. The magically enlarged room already held a great deal of prefects. Frank Longbottom and Alice Purdue, Head Boy and Head Girl, handed us schedules for the first month's rounds, as well as a map of the school as we walked in.

Lily settled into a seat and started reviewing her duties. I sat down next to her and barely glanced at them. All I cared about was not having rounds on full moon. Suddenly Lily stiffened beside me. I looked up to see Evan Rosier's glare. I gave him one of my own and his face smoothed out. Bet he hadn't been expecting that. Lily swiveled her head to look at me.

"Thanks," she mouthed.

I nodded slightly and folded my arms. I glanced around at the students milling around. The door slid open and Snape walked in, along with his fellow prefect. I sneered. Great. He'd probably be sitting with us because of Lily. I couldn't stand him, and neither could any of my fellow Marauders.

So I was surprised when he sat next to Rosier on the opposite side of the room. He hadn't even glanced at Lily. I stared at him, perplexed. I looked down at Lily. Her cheeks had turned bright pink, and I saw her drop her gaze from Snape to the papers in her hands. She shifted her book from the chair on her other side to her lap. I frowned.

"Lily?" I asked.

She refused to look up. She flipped her hair to her other shoulder. Her entire neck was pink from embarrassment.

"Lily what happened? Did he do something to you over holiday?" I could hear the anger I felt reflected in my voice.

"No," she whispered, and took a shuddering inhale. "I don't know what happened."

She sniffled.

Oh, dear _Merlin_. She was on the verge of tears.

"Don't worry about it, Lils," I said quietly, knocking my shoulder against hers. "He's a rotten bloke, anyway."

Alice cleared her throat before Lily could respond. I sat there for an hour, alternating between listening to the Heads drone endlessly on and glaring daggers at the knot of Slytherins, especially Snivellus. It didn't matter that _I_ thought he was a git. Lily had been calling him a friend, hell even best friend, since year one. She didn't deserve being treated like she didn't exist.

"Please, don't do anything," I heard a whisper. Lily's hand was on mine.

I was startled out of my glare. Her eyes were pleading with me.

"He's a git," I answered.

She sighed and took her hand off mine. "I don't want trouble."

"_You're_ not going to get any," I told her.

I went back to listening sullenly to the rules and duties of a prefect. James was going to go ballistic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Lily loved Hogwarts. She didn't always love the people in it.**

Date: April 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Lily Evans

* * *

For months I'd been trying to get a word with Severus. Ever since classes started he's been avoiding me. Now, O.W.L.s were coming up, and I was already stressed enough as it was. I just wanted to settle this tension between us. I didn't know why he was acting this way.

The air had started to warm up around the grounds, and people who were daring enough actually walked around on free days in shorts. I had a meeting with Remus today to talk about switching rounds, but Professor McGonagal had let us out late from Transfiguration. It was sunny outside, so I decided to take the shortcut across one of the side lawns to get to the library in time.

I was so focused on getting to my destination that I ran into somebody.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I told the girl, making sure she was fine.

"No worries, I'd just stopped to see what the ruckus was about," she replied, eyeing something behind me.

I turned and gasped when I saw the crowd of people. I had completely missed it.

"What's going on?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "Dunno. Sounds like a fight to me."

I squared my shoulders and looked back at the crowd. Some of them were cheering, a few were jeering, and others were laughing.

"Oh for Heaven's sake, this is a _school_," I snapped, and started to storm over.

And then I heard it; one voice that I recognized so well above the rest of the crowd.

"Put me _down_, Potter," Sev said.

I broke into a full tilt run and elbowed my way through the crowd. Students had the decency to stop laughing when they saw my face.

I got to the front of the crowd, where the ring of human bodies stopped and the circle of grass began. Sev was hanging in the air, his wand on the grass below. His book bag had spilt across the grass, contents scattered everywhere. Potter, Black, and Pettigrew stood on the other side of the circle. Potter looked murderous, Black had the expression of the cat who got the cream pot, and Pettigrew was almost peeing himself from laughter.

"Who wants to see Snivelly's underpants?" Black crowed.

The crowd cheered, and he promptly flipped Sev upside down. I watched in horror as Sev's robes slipped over his head to reveal the fact that he wore no pants. Fraying grey underwear was the only thing covering his bottom. He fought to keep his robes from exposing himself.

"What is it, laundry day?" Potter sneered.

"You should clean your underpants instead once in a while - they're looking dingy," Black taunted.

Pettigrew was almost on the ground from laughing so hard.

"Potter!" I heard my voice snap above the noise.

He immediately dropped his wand and ran a hand through his hair in nervousness. Sev fell to the ground in a heap. Black kept his wand trained on Sev, and Pettigrew actually managed to look ashamed.

"Lily," James said, somewhat surprised.

"What do you think you're doing?" I snapped at them.

"Just having a bit of fun, Lily," Black said, grinning.

"This isn't funny, Black," I spat. "And _don't call me Lily._"

"Look, Evans," James tried, holding up his hands.

I rounded on him. Out of the corner of my eye I registered Rosier and some of Sev's other Slytherin mates standing in the crowds. They didn't try to help.

"Don't! You're just a big, lying, egotistical bullying toerag! Bullying people isn't funny!"

I turned my back and bent down to help Sev up. He had tangled in his robes and was trying to stuff everything into his bag in record time.

"You alright, Sev?" I asked quietly as I helped him gather some things.

He snapped his bag shut and snatched his wand. He shook the hair out of his face and looked at me. No, he _glared_. He was seething, and it rooted me to the spot in fear. He jerked away from me.

"I don't need help from a filthy _mudblood_ like you," He sneered.

It took me a second for my brain to process what my ears had heard.

"You…what?" I asked stupidly. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck.

He just stood there. His eyes widened slightly in his face, and his lips parted like he wanted to say something more. Rosier moved to stand behind him.

I stood and blinked. "Fine," I said. "Fine! I won't ever help you again. Consider this the end of our friendship." My voice was like ice.

Then I turned on my heel and practically ran. I could feel the tears threatening to come. My cheeks felt hot and I couldn't catch my breath.

"You fucking arse! How dare you say that to her!" I heard Potter yell. A dull thud followed.

"Forget him, Prongs! He's not worth it!" Black yelled.

I sucked in air and slid to a stop by my favorite oak tree. It was huge, its roots breaking through the soil and creating sheltered hollows. I slid down into one and sobbed. My hands went over my face and my legs drew up to my chest. The tears flowed hot and fast down my face. I couldn't believe it. After all of our adventures, after all of those years of friendship, Sev had insulted me in the most personal, degrading way someone could ever insult a muggle-born; like I didn't matter, like I've never mattered. He had been lying to me. Everything he had ever said to me – that my blood status meant nothing, that he knew I was special – it had all been one big hilarious lie.

I sucked in a ragged breath and let it out in uncontrollable sobs. A twig snapped, letting me know I had company. I bit down on my lip and tried to quiet myself. I just wanted to be alone.

"Evans?" Potter's voice came softly.

The universe had a twisted sense of humor.

Of all the people in the world, James Potter was the last person I wanted to comfort me.

"Go away," I mumbled miserably.

"Lily, I…"

"Go away!" I screamed, and then sobbed harder.

I felt him sit beside me. After a few minutes, I felt his hesitant arm settle around me. It was what my dad would have done if he had seen me crying, and it struck down my defenses. I turned into his shoulder and cried into him. He wrapped both of his arms around me and ran a hand up and down my back soothingly.

"Shh, Lily. It'll be alright," he said softly.

I snorted through my sobs. It didn't sound pretty.

"Ri-ii-ght," I said, sarcastic.

He chuckled and laid his head on mine.

All of a sudden I realized what a bizarre and horribly hypocritical situation we were in. I pulled away and he let me, shuffling back to his side of the hollow. My tears had slowed, for now, and I sniffed to stop my nose from running. I quickly used my jumper sleeves to mop up whatever saturation I could.

"God, I must look a right mess."

My voice came out choked and gravelly. How embarrassing.

"You look fine, actually," He replied.

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't have to sit through all that."

He shrugged, leaning his forearms on his knees.

I sniffed again. Tears leaked out of my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he whispered, "You're a brilliant witch, a wonderful person, and you deserve to be treated right."

"You're a bloody arse, Potter," but it didn't sound like I meant it at all, "You're the one who was bullying him to begin with."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for a second.

"I know," he said after a pause. "I know that you see me like this big bully, but I'm not. I never go after someone unless they've done something unacceptable."

"What are you, the bloody police?" I asked, irritated.

"No. I'm just a bloke who likes justice."

I looked up into his face. His chocolate brown eyes twinkled, even if his face was serious.

"Why do you think he said it?" I blurted out without really thinking.

We both looked a bit stunned by my question.

"I…"He ran a hand through that messy black hair and looked out towards the lake. I instantly regretted asking for his opinion.

"He's an idiot. He can't see that you're the best thing that's ever happened to him."

I looked at him in doubt. "You…you don't think it's because…he's repulsed by me?"

His smiled turned sour. "Oh, hell," he said to himself.

"I…it's okay. I shouldn't be asking you these things." I said quickly, playing with the end of my plait. My tears had dried in stiff trails down my cheeks.

"No. Well, I guess you should know what I think anyway. I think he's running with a bad crowd."

I gasped and slapped his arm in surprise. "That's what I've been telling him!"

He frowned at me, contemplating something in his head. Then he started, slowly.

"The reason why I was levitating Snivellus was because I caught him spreading…propaganda."

It was my turn to frown. He took that in and then sighed.

"How much do you know of what they've dubbed 'the Revolution', Lily?"

I shook my head. "We don't get wizard radio at home."

"It's been going on since last summer," he clarified.

My teeth nibbled at my lip. "Then I haven't heard too much about it."

"Well, there's a rebellion happening. The stupid Prophet has dubbed it 'the Revolution'. There's a group of people who think that magic should be limited. They feel that muggle-borns shouldn't be able to practice magic, and that purebloods should rule over everything and everyone in the magical world. They're preaching that goblins and centaurs and giants are second-class citizens, that squibs and muggle-borns should be eradicated and wiped out, that stricter rules should be in place regarding marriage…" he broke of, murderously angry.

I sat there stunned. "I had no idea," I whispered. "And Sev was…"

"Telling people about it. Trying to convince them to join." He finished for me in a flat voice.

"You," I hesitated, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer. "You don't think he has the right idea?"

My eyes glanced up to see his face. I could feel my own falling into a frown in anticipation of unpleasant news. The corner of his mouth lifted up a little, and his thumb gently smoothed out the furrow in my brow. I blushed and looked down.

"Lily," he said disapprovingly, "Anyone just has to look at you and realize that what they're saying is a whole lot of rubbish."

I grinned up at him as relief coursed through me. At least I had one person on my side, even if he was a pain.

"You're not half-bad, Potter," I told him.

He grinned. "I never thought I'd hear you say those words."

"And if you tell anyone I'll just deny it." My eyes narrowed.

"Oh, I won't tell a soul, Evans, I promise." He crossed his finger over his heart.

I laughed, and then the full realization of what I'd just learned hit me. My face fell, and I felt the tears prick the back of my eyes again.

"Then…that means…" My eyes skittered away over the lake. "That means he wants me dead," I finished weakly.

James snapped a twig in half viciously and didn't say anything.

"He believes in all that rubbish. He thinks I shouldn't practice magic, that I don't belong," I gasped, "That my parents…"

"Lily, enough!" James roared, cutting me off.

I cried silently.

"Lily," he said softly, and drew me into his side again. "I'm sorry, I'm here, I'll always be here for you." I felt his lips touch my hair for a second.

He rocked me slightly back and forth, letting me cry for everybody and everything in my life.

* * *

**Imogen was a naturally good student. She just particularly didn't like exams.**

Date: May 1976  
Year 5, second term  
Imogen Blackwell

* * *

Being a Ravenclaw, you'd think I'd love school, wouldn't you. And it's true that I have plenty of friends, and it's true that I enjoy class time. Hogwarts has got beautiful grounds, and you do really learn a lot from the professors. Barmy, I'd even go so far as to call some of them friends of mine.

It's the exams that get my wand in a twist.

I've always gotten O's and E's on all of my homework, on all of our practicals, on all of our in-class pop quizzes – it's the bloody exams with the written essays that did me in. And that's all the O.W.L.s are! I swear it was going to be the end of me.

I glanced over at Lily, who sat one row ahead of me, one chair to the left. She felt my stare and peeked over her shoulder. I feigned stabbing my heart with my quill and slumping over my exam. She giggled and returned to her essay. Bloody muggle studies. Of course _Lily_ would get an O on it.

Looking back down at my parchment, I reviewed my latest paragraph for the prompt "Write an essay on the usefulness of a screwdriver".

A piece of parchment hit me square in the back. I whipped around to see who'd thrown it. Sirius Black smiled at me, feet propped on the desk, balancing on the back two legs of his chair. I stuck my tongue out at him and asked him silently how he was doing.

"Done," he mouthed back.

Git. I refused to talk to him after that.

Another two hours went gruelingly by until the final bell rang. Our O.W.L. was magically collected and we were set free.

Lily waited for me by the doors. I screamed and ran down the hallway.

"Ms. Blackwell! A little decorum!" Professor Bightey called after me.

"We're done! We're done!" I jumped for joy.

Lily laughed at me, but it never made it to her eyes. James passed by and nodded. Lily waved back.

"What's up with this truce between you and the Marauders?" I muttered to her as we followed them.

She shrugged. "I told you. Potter helped me learn about what's going on in Sev's mind. That's all."

"Hmmmm."

It looked like my cousin would have to be the target of my interrogation if I wanted any real information.

"Are you going back home for summer?" She asked me.

"What? Oh, yes. Back to the London flat for me."

"Lucky you."

I poked her in the ribs. "You're welcome to stay, you know."

She shook her head. "No. That's fine. I don't want to intrude. Besides, Mum wrote saying that Dad is looking forward to seeing me."

I nodded, feeling my throat constrict. Lily had parents, parents who missed her and loved her.

She linked her arm with mine and waved to Marlene and Dorcas, who had confirmed to meet us in the Great Hall. The fifth years were being held a special lunch for finishing the exams.

I pushed aside my sadness and whooped for joy. The call was taken up until the entire class of fifth years was practically a mob of noise. The Marauders got up onto the tables and started shooting fireworks from the tips of their wands.

We all laughed, relieved that our stress was over.

It was finally summer. It was time to celebrate.

* * *

_Authors note: Don't worry, lovies. We'll get through this bit soon. Just setting up the scene! :) Year 6 is just around the corner...along with more surprises! _


	3. Chapter 3

**Lily was growing up. But she still had to learn the hard lessons in Life.**

Date: May 1976  
Summer  
Lily Evans

* * *

The car ride from Kings Cross was a silent one, and I looked out the window at the summer rain drizzling down the window as we bounced along. My sister was unusually without degrading quips about magic and Mum was oddly tight-faced. I assumed they had been in a fight before getting me and I kept to my own thoughts.

We pulled up in front of the house and I got out. I walked around to the boot to get my trunk, but my mother waved me in instead.

"We'll get that later," she told me.

I raised an eyebrow but followed after her up the steps to our door. Tune trailed along behind, scuffing her feet on the pathway.

As soon as I stepped into the living room I saw my father sitting in his usual armchair. Which was unusual. He was regularly away at work at half past noon on a weekday.

"Dad?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Lily," he said, and smiled. But it wasn't his usual smile. This one was strained. His face looked sunken and his skin sallow.

I went over to hug him and heard the wheezing as he breathed.

"What's…what's wrong? Have a cold, Da?"

Petunia snorted from where she stood by the fireplace.

Mum shushed her and walked over to sit on the ottoman by Dad's armchair. She held his hand and then gestured for me to sit.

"Lily," she started. "Your father hasn't been well."

"Let's wait until she's settled…" Dad grumbled.

"Yes, let's drag this out forever, shan't we?" Tune said derisively.

"Petunia Evans!"

My Mom's sharp voice startled me. Petunia looked moodily at the carpet.

Mom sighed and smoothed out her skirt nervously.

"We went to see the doctor while you were away, Lily." Her eyes flicked to dad's face.

A sense of dread settled over me. I could feel panic rising in my belly.

"Oh for Heaven's sake," Petunia snapped, her eyes filling with tears when I looked at her. "He has lung cancer."

It was like a sucker punch. The breath whooshed out of my lungs and I sat there, shocked into stillness.

"He was diagnosed a few weeks after you left for term," Mom said gently.

Tears pricked my eyes.

"We didn't want to worry you, Red, knowing how important these exams were to your future," Dad followed.

"No," I said harshly. "Why didn't anyone write me? I could've…I could've come home. I would have been here sooner."

My thoughts scattered all over the place trying to deal with the truth. It just couldn't be possible. He went to church! He confessed every month! He ate lean beef!

"Oh, honey," Mum said, reaching for me.

I started to hyperventilate. Then I looked up and saw my father crying silently. It broke my heart. Tears finally started to fall as we looked at each other, nothing to be said, and nothing to be done.

Mum clutched my knee and rubbed his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Dad," I whispered.

"Don't be, Lily. It's my fault for smoking all those years…" He ground his fists into his eyes.

"It isn't fair."

"Sometimes things just happen, Lily," he replied.

I shook my head. "You'll get better. You will."

Mom looked at me sadly and bit her lip.

"It's too late," Dad whispered. "It's spread so much that taking the tumors off would kill me anyway."

He sighed heavily and rubbed his temples.

"Go upstairs and rest, dear," Mum told him soothingly.

He nodded and grabbed the cane that had been resting by the chair. With difficulty he got up and slowly made it up the stairs to their bedroom.

Mum got up and made for the kitchen. I followed her.

"He's in pain?" I asked as she gathered things to make tea.

She nodded. "It's hard for him to breathe, if that counts as pain. He sleeps with a machine at night."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and went over to hug her.

"Can't they try radiation? They say it works for some people…" my voice faltered as my mum shook her head.

"He's too far gone. They won't give him the treatment."

"Why don't you just wave your wand?"

I turned my head to see Petunia standing stiffly in the doorframe. Her blue eyes were trained on me, hard, and yet there was a glimmer of something else. With some surprise I recognized it as hope, and sadness came crashing down inside me.

I shook my head and opened my mouth, ready to explain that magic didn't work that way – that dad would have to be admitted to St. Mungo's and treated there by specially trained healers. But they didn't admit muggles to St. Mungo's. I knew that people in the wizarding world didn't have a cure for cancer, either.

"I didn't think so. You never use magic to help other people, do you?" She spat at me.

"It doesn't work like that, Petunia. I..Magic like that can't be done by people like me. It's not like you can do whatever you want with it – there are rules, regulations…"

"Then find someone who can!"

"They don't have a cure either. You can't just…"

"So you'd rather let dad die."

It was a harsh statement, and mum and I gasped.

"Petunia Evans!" Mum snapped.

Petunia flinched at the tone.

"You take that back," I hissed, feeling the tears in my eyes.

She just stared at me.

"I would give my _life_ to save Dad. Just because I have magic doesn't mean I can save him." I said harshly.

I felt my mum's arms around my shoulders, but I shrugged her off.

"Just…leave me alone. I need to be alone," I said, running out the back door.

I ran barefooted down the street and around the corner to the playground I used to play at as a child. I sobbed as made my way to the swings. It wasn't fair. I loved my dad. I wanted him around. I couldn't take this. There was no place I could just be happy. I was teased at school, and now my dad was dying.

It had been a bad idea to come here. Sev and I… Snivellus had always come here together. This is where we had talked for hours, on these swings. I fumbled suddenly with my pocket. Imogen had gotten me lucky stars for my birthday. I just had to say the name of the person I wanted to contact and they would zip away to find them.

I clutched one of the pale white stars in my fingers.

"Imogen. Imogen Blackwell." I swiped at my red nose and smudged my mascara even more under my eyes.

The star began to gleam, and then shimmer. It struggled in my fingers and I let it go. It gave a whisper of a note and then disappeared.

I started to cry harder, wrapping my arms around my middle and pushing off against the ground. I was incapable of thinking, of moving, I just cried.

I didn't know how long it was before I felt arms wrapping around me that weren't my own. I looked up into Gen's face. Her face was concerned as she smoothed back the hair from my face. Vaguely I registered a discarded broom in the grass nearby. We clung to each other until I could somewhat control myself.

"What's happened?" Gen whispered, sitting down on the ground beside the swing.

"My dad's dying. He has lung cancer. He got diagnosed sometime during term. No one told me."

Gen's face crumpled and tears coursed down her face. I looked up at the clouds, feeling lost.

"I'm so sorry, Lils. That's horrible."

"I just found out."

Gen nodded, sitting quietly. We cried together. Finally, I spoke up again.

"And now my sister hates me because she doesn't understand that magic can't save him. And it's like I can't be happy in either place anymore. I just don't want my dad gone. I want him here. I want him to see his grandchildren and see me graduate from Hogwarts and help me buy my first house. I don't know. I just want him here and I can't save him and nobody told me he was sick."

I paused and sucked in a breath.

"And everything that's happened with Sniv, and the whole Slytherin thing. It's like nothing is going right at all for me. What am I doing wrong?"

I looked down to see that Gen wasn't looking at me. Her hand was fiddling with the gold chain around her neck and she was staring off into the grass.

"It'll be alright, Lils. Everything will work out," She said softly.

"I honestly don't see how it can, Gen. My dad's going to die, Snivellus hates my guts along with half the wizarding population, and my sister now blames me because I can't save our dad, oh and I probably flunked my OWLs."

"Stop it," Gen snapped.

I looked miserably at the ground.

"It'll be alright Lils," Gen said more kindly, "Yes it'll hurt. Yes you'll think there's no way out. But it'll get better, in time. Snape's a jerk, your sister's a jealous bitch, and you probably got O's on all of your OWLs because you're brilliant. You have me, Dor, Mar, and Remus, and the rest of the Marauders, along with almost everyone else in the entire school to back you up. Your dad is probably going to pass on, yes, but he won't leave you stranded. He'll be here to watch over you. And right now he's alive, so spend every second you have with him and don't sulk about it. Cherish every single second, instead. Ask him questions about things you've always wanted to know. Record his stories. Because pretty soon you won't get the chance to talk with him, and you'll regret everything that ever went unsaid."

I listened to Gen's words, hearing pent-up sadness reverberating through the last few sentences. I realized that she was right. It would hurt like hell, but I should go spend every moment with my dad, who right now was alive and here. I hopped off the swing and hugged her tightly.

"Thanks, Gen."

The blonde blinked and smiled, hugging me back.

"Always, Lilykins. Now go back home. We'll talk later."

I nodded and started walking back. I heard a whooshing sound and turned back to the park. Gen had climbed back on her broom and was zipping above the tree line.

With a somewhat delayed reaction, I thought of what Gen's parents thought of her. I'm sure they'd be proud. She'd been living with her aunt since the second term of first year we'd attended Hogwarts. And if Gen had turned out fine even through her grief, I knew somehow, someday, I'd be fine too.

* * *

**Imogen didn't mind being alone. But there are times when camaraderie is best.**

Date: May 1976  
Summer  
Imogen Blackwell

* * *

I picked at the croissant I had ordered. The black coffee I had asked for sat, unwanted, by the side of the plate. I wasn't actually hungry at all - I had just ordered the coffee out of habit. The dark booth in the back of the small, wood-paneled café was comforting. Mysterious, even. I watched people walk up to the bar and order, walking away confidently with a frilly drink the barista had whipped up. I sat, not really caring, and thinking back to my parents.

I missed them.

Talking to Lily earlier had thrown me back into haunting memories. They had loved each other and me so much, and now I was an orphan. Even if my aunt had adopted me. Even if I did love my aunt. Celestria just wasn't Mom. Sometimes, when the light was just right or I had my back turned, my aunt looked or sounded so much like Mum had that I had to do a double take. And then the bitter waves of loss crashed over me again, never fully gone.

I sat in that booth, reminiscing and wallowing for an immeasurable amount of time.

"Alone, pretty lady?" A voice spoke from the side of the table.

I shook myself out of reveries and turned my head, my hand sliding to the wand next to me on the seat. My body relaxed when I saw the warm pair of brown eyes, slightly obscured by the strands of black hair falling in front of them.

"You scared me, Sirius."

He raised an eyebrow as he slid into the booth on the bench opposite me.

"First name? You feeling okay?"

I felt myself give him a lopsided grin. "Fucking fantastic."

He chuckled and called over a waitress.

"A black coffee please."

"So what are you doing out? We only just arrived home." I asked once the waitress had left.

He shrugged, resting his arms on the table. "I couldn't stand the house, and I didn't feel like imposing on the Potters' just yet."

"Is it really that bad?"

I eyed him. He was wearing a black v-neck shirt, tight to the body, and some straight legged jeans. His feet disappeared into a pair of worn out black boots. Tattoos popped up in places along his arms, and one peeked out at his collar.

"It's bloody hell. I can't take much more of it, I don't think. They keep going on and on about the revolution."

I grimaced.

"Yep," he said cheerily as his coffee arrived.

When the waitress had left again I nodded toward his arms.

"What's with all the tats?"

"These?" he asked, pushing up his sleeves.

My eyes roved over them appreciatively. Some of them moved, no doubt done with magical ink that only witches or wizards could detect, but most were stationary.

"This one," he said, pointing to one on his wrist, "was actually inspired by the story about the three brothers. You know the one?"

"The Deathly Hallows?" I asked in surprise. It was a story my mother had read to me as a child.

He nodded and grinned. "James actually approved of this one."

I looked at him, wondering if he was barmy.

"This one," He said, moving on, "is the lion of Godrick Gryffindor."

"What does it say below it?" I stared at the Latin words, but the stylized script was hard to read from where I sat.

Sirius paused before obliging me. "Where you're truly home."

I smiled. "I feel like that sometimes."

Sirius grinned back.

"What's that one?" I asked, pointing to his right bicep, where the shape of a black dog stood in profile. A moon shone over it, clouds hiding some of it.

He laughed and rolled his shirt sleeves back down. "I like dogs."

I pursed my lips, thinking that he was hiding something. But why would he? We were just talking about his tattoos.

Tats could be extremely personal, though, and I knew it.

"Why are you in London? I thought you lived a lot further out…" I asked him.

"What is this? The Inquisition? But yes, I do live a lot farther out from London. I drove in here on a whim. Now I think it was destiny, finding you here."

I laughed and smacked his arm. He eyed the croissant.

"Have it," I said, pushing it toward him.

"Well, thanks."

He bit into it and gestured toward me. "What brings you out?"

I sighed, swirling the coffee around my mug.

"Family issues," I supplied

He looked at me. "Alright."

I sighed and ran my fingers quickly through my waved hair.

"You don't have to talk about it. I'd rather not have you crying. People might think I was breaking your heart." Sirius' eyes glinted.

That actually made me chuckle.

"You could never break my heart, Black. I'm too smart for that."

He tapped his nose and bit savagely into the pastry.

I sighed and tapped out a rhythm on the wooden tabletop.

"Are you…sure…you…" he sighed and worked his jaw. Then he leaned forward and put his hand over mine on the table. "Look, it's really none of my business, but if you want to talk about it…" He left it hanging there.

It became hard to breathe, and I sat there, staring at him, feeling the warmth of his hand on mine.

Sirius Black was asking if I wanted to talk about it.

Sirius Black, the boy who never talked with anyone about feelings, the boy who liked to remain aloof and have flings and was afraid of commitment, was asking me if I wanted to talk. No one had ever asked me if I wanted to talk about what had happened.

It was a rather unnerving experience.

"Or..not. That's fine too," he said, suddenly nervous. He whisked his hand from mine and leaned back in the hard booth, hands raking through his shoulder-length hair.

I blinked.

"You're never nervous," I said, my brain-to-mouth filter obviously not working.

He chuckled and glanced up at me. "Perceptive thing, you are."

"Sorry. It's my curse." I said with my normal cheek.

And then I leaned forward and rested my head on my hands. With my eyes firmly closed I thought about what it would be like, finally telling someone about the horror of what had happened.

"Nobody's ever asked me if I wanted to talk about it, before," I said quietly.

I felt him shift. "Nobody?"

I shook my head. "Nobody outside the family, that is." I took my hands down and trained my eyes on his. "Thank you," I told him, smiling.

He gave me a lopsided smile in return. "You're welcome."

We sat like that, content to be silent, until Sirius opened his mouth again.

"So…do you?"

I smiled but shook my head. "No, but it's nice that you ask. It's not something I can share, yet."

"Alright, then." He seemed relieved.

We sat there for a couple of hours, just talking about this and that and whatever came to mind. When we finally parted I hugged him, breathing in his familiar scent, and then walked the few blocks to my apartment.

It wasn't until I was fully clothed, laying on my bed and falling asleep that I realized I had never asked him if _he_ had wanted to talk.

* * *

**Sirius only truly ever felt happy when he wasn't at home. He hated it there.**

Date: May 1976  
Summer  
Sirius Black

* * *

I waited until I saw Gen go into her building before zooming off. I leaned low over the front of my bike, loving the way the wind rushed past me, the way the lights blurred. I had gotten the bike from this bloke down in Hogsmeade two months ago, and I loved it. I was currently figuring out a way to put in a flying mechanism.

Why the hell had I come out tonight in the first place?

To get a beer. Right. To get sodding smashed at the Witches Brew to forget all my troubles. Funny thing was, I had forgotten them. At least for a while.

I growled and kicked it into high gear.

Sodding bird. I hadn't wanted to stay. I don't even know why I has asked if she wanted to talk. She had just looked so Goddamn _sad_ that it had just sort of slipped out.

I hated feelings. They made you so…vulnerable.

There. There it was, out in the open. Feelings.

They were abominable, really. I mean look what they did to Prongs. Made him go all soft and mushy on the inside, didn't they. Couldn't just mess around with any bird now, could he. He had to go and pretend they were Lily bloody Evans before he could get worked up, didn't he.

I shouldn't have brought that up. It dredged up one particularly nasty conversation where he confessed that to me.

Bloody wanker.

Now what. I should have just eaten the croissant and went to go get smashed. Now Gen would think I was soft. That I cared. That I had…_feelings_.

Gen was fit though. Merlin knew I had dreamt about her a few times. Those gold waves, those deep blue eyes, her curves…

The car in front of me had stopped. I slammed on the brakes just in time. The car behind me swerved and honked his horn. I flipped him the finger as he went by.

Bloody hell. She was going to kill me.

But she was James' cousin. No matter how many times removed she was, she was still family. And I couldn't just have a quick fuck with her and leave it be. No. I had to be a gentleman.

I made my way down side streets and neighborhoods, weaving between cars. I parked the bike a few roads down and walked the rest of the way to Black Manor. I stood outside the gate and tapped the stone, then said the password. The house groaned into view, and I scowled.

"Home sweet fucking home," I said to myself as I climbed the rickety front stairs.

I slipped in the front door and made my way to the kitchen. I had almost managed to make a break for it with my haul when Kreatcher caught me.

"Master Black has to have supper," he said, bowing low.

"Yeah, I will, I just have to have a snack before," I said, trying to walk past him.

"If he pleases, Masters Black are waiting on him in the dining room," Kreatcher said gleefully, gesturing toward the other door out of the kitchen.

I sighed and placed what I had nabbed on the counter. Then I straightened up and walked through into the gloomy dining room. The flickering chandelier gave almost no light, and the interior was decidedly dingy. My father sat at the head of the table, mother to his right. Regulus sat on the left. Each of them sat ram rod straight in their seats.

My mother practically hissed when she saw me. Ah, good old Mum.

"Change out of those rags immediately and go put on some proper clothing."

I pretended to not hear and slouched down into my seat next to my brother.

"Sirius," my father warned.

"Look, I'm wearing clothes. Can we just eat our soup, please?" I snapped.

Silence.

Oh, joy.

"Just go put on some robes," my brother muttered.

I grinned at him. "Always a good boy, aren't you Reg. Can't stand up for your own thoughts, eh?"

His face crumpled into a scowl.

"Go put on robes _this instant_, Sirius Orion." Mother's voice was decidedly deadly. "You are a Black. Don't degrade yourself by wearing those disgusting pieces of cloth."

I laughed. "Mother, dearest, these are acceptable pieces of clothing everywhere but in this house."

She got up and raised her wand, pointing it level at my head. "Don't talk back to me."

"I wouldn't dare," I said, raising an eyebrow at her wand. I felt my own hand close around the one stowed in my jean pocket.

She made her way around the table to stand over me, practically snarling.

"Get up," she growled.

I slowly stood from my chair, eyeing her wand warily.

"Go upstairs and change." Menacing, always menacing.

"No." I planted my feet stubbornly.

"It's just a stupid set of clothes!" My brother raised his voice. "Go upstairs and bloody change already!"

"It's not just the clothes, Reg. It's never just about what it's about. It's about supporting the muggles, blending in with them, not discriminating."

My mother's eyes snapped with fire and her lips drew back.

"Filthy creatures, muggles. Absolute vermin."

"They're actually quite brilliant. If you could just…" I tried.

"Blasphemy!" My mother's wand sparked.

I took a deep breath. "They're natural problem solvers, they…"

"They're destructive and base and stupid. They should have been put in their place long ago," my mother snarled. "Now, go upstairs and change."

"All my friends dress like this," I said as a last ditch effort.

I felt her spell sting my cheek, and I felt the blood trickle down my face. My father grabbed me from behind and dragged me backwards.

"Black's pride themselves on standing above the rest, not following others."

I laughed. "Great to know, Mother. Next time we have a gathering of supporters here I'll just let them know that, shall I?"

My father spun me around and pushed me against the wall.

"How dare you," he bellowed into my face.

"Well it's true, isn't it? You're the one who followed right after Malfoy and Crabbe!" I yelled back.

He punched me in the gut and I bent inwards. He pushed back my shoulder and gave me an uppercut.

"Regulus, do you feel the same way?" My father said, voice low.

Reg sat up straight in his chair, his wide eyes glued to me.

"It's not right. They're innocent…"

I couldn't finish my sentence. My mother hit me with another spell from across the room, splitting the skin on my hand. I bit down on my lip to keep from gasping.

"Do you feel the same, Regulus?" My father asked again.

"Reg, please," I said.

My father punched me in the face.

"No," my brother said softly. He looked away from me and I closed my eyes.

"Good boy," My mother crooned, patting his shoulder.

I gagged.

"Now, Sirius, you go up to your room and think about what you've done wrong."

My anger was building. I could feel my blood boiling.

"Starting from being born or starting from not being sorted into fucking Slytherin?" I asked.

He threw be back against the stairs. I gasped and straightened up with an effort. He charged me on the steps but I was too quick. His fist started coming toward me and I scrambled up. His fist met the stair, and he yelled in pain. He tapped his wand across his knuckled and then pointed it at me.

"We gave you chances to reconcile. You had a chance to redeem yourself."

"Oh, like going into service for the 'Dark Lord'? Yeah that's a walk in the park; betraying my friends, killing innocent people. All in a day's work."

"Blood is thicker than water." My father said heavily, coming up toward me.

"Not ours," I said bitterly, and raised my wand.

He flicked his wand and sparks reigned out toward me. I dodged it and ran. I slammed the door shut to my room and locked it.

"You still have a chance to right your wrongs," My father said through the door.

I laughed bitterly. Fat bloody chance.

* * *

**Lily hated hospitals. She thought of them as a place where dreams went to die.**

Date: June-July 1976  
Summer  
Lily Evans

* * *

The weeks passed by and I watched dad grow weaker and weaker. We had gone to see the doctor a few days ago, and he had given dad maybe a month to live. I didn't know whether it was better or worse to have a time frame in mind. I cried myself to sleep every night, but I was taking Gen's advice to heart, and sat for long hours with my dad, if he could bear it, and just talked with him. Sometimes we just sat watching telly together.

I was just upstairs one night, getting ready for bed, when Petunia barged into my room. She closed the door behind her and stepped a few feet closer.

"Hi, Petunia."

My sister had barely spoken to me since the first day I had arrived home.

"You really can't do anything?" she said quickly, a desperate look in her eyes.

I swallowed nervously. "I really….I really can't. It's impossible. There's no cure for this…"

"Then what use is magic if it can't do anything useful?" Her face hardened and she stepped closer.

"I mean, it can do things, it just can't save people like dad…I…I don't know what to tell you."

Petunia launched herself at me, arms outstretched. I jumped backward on the bed, but she managed to grab hold of my ankle.

"Petunia!" I screamed, trying to kick her off. She grabbed a pillow and thumped it over my head.

"You bitch! You little freak! You've been at school all term, having fun and doing _useless_ _magic_ while we all sat here and suffered! You don't know what it was like, learning it from the doctor! You haven't seen him get worse day by day!"

She clawed at me, pulling my hair, trying to pin me. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, and she had a crazed look in her eyes. Her hair had pulled out of its ponytail and hung haphazardly around her face.

"I see him getting worse! I'm hurting too! I wish that I could just fix it!" I yelled back, slapping her face.

Mom burst through the door.

"Stop! Petunia get off your sister!"

She pulled her off me with a grunt.

"You're deranged!" I shouted at Petunia, seeing blood trickling from my ankle.

"You're a little _freak_!" she sister yelled back as her Mom hustled her down the hallway.

I sighed and sat down at the edge of my bed, feeling rattled. I ran my fingers through my hair and then wiped the blood off of my foot. It really wasn't that deep. I found a bandage and put it on. I could hear Petunia and mom talking in raised voices from the next room.

Tears of anger and despair welled up in my eyes. I was so _sick_ of crying all the time. I was so _sick_ of feeling helpless and useless and sad.

A door slammed and I looked up to see mom walk down the hallway, a hand on her forehead. She paused outside my door and then stepped in. Our eyes met and exchanged the words that didn't need to be said.

"Goodnight, Lily," She said tiredly from the hallway.

"Goodnight, Mum."

She gently closed the door and I heard her walk further down the hallway to the master bedroom.

I _wished_ that I could just magically make everything right again. I wished that I was stronger, that I was liked, that maybe I could be the one dying instead. That would certainly appease a lot of the people in my life at the moment.

My eyes drifted shut, and I fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

It was mid-July when it happened. I woke up to sirens wailing outside the house. A sense of dread settled over me. I ran out of my bedroom to see them wheeling Dad in a stretcher. Mum was crying in the doorway. Petunia, sill bleary eyed from sleep, came up behind me in the hallway.

"Grab your jackets, girls," Mum said.

I raced into my room in a blind rush and grabbed the first pullover my fingers touched. I grabbed my purse from the floor and raced down the stairs. Petunia came a few seconds later, and we jumped into the car and raced after the ambulance.

"What happened?" I asked.

"He stopped breathing. I woke up and he was choking. I called the ambulance, but I don't know. I don't know," She whispered, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

I fell silent and looked at the cold grey sky outside the window. Tune was fixing her hair and makeup in the back. Petunia always managed to be concerned about her appearance and what others thought of her, even in the most inappropriate situations. She really was a prick sometimes.

We sat in the cold hospital waiting room for hours. I went and got some coffee out of the machine for Mum and me. I sat down again and held the steaming brew between my cold fingers, my mind utterly blank.

"We should call someone to look after the house for us," Mum sighed, rubbing her temples. "I could call Mrs. Snape. Severus could go…"

"No," I said suddenly, sitting upright.

Mum looked at her with tired eyes.

"One of my friends can house sit, it's alright. Gen lives close, I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

For once my sister didn't make a snide comment about my friends.

I walked over to the payphone, and put in some change. I dialed Gen's flat number from memory. I hoped it was right.

After the third ring a tiny voice sounded into the phone. "Blackwell residence."

"Yes, hi, could I talk to Gen please? It's Lily," I told whoever was on the other end.

"Please hold." They set the phone down.

"Lily? How are you?" Gen asked a minute later. She was an early riser.

"Not good. Listen, we're at the hospital. Could you go over to my house and watch it for a while? Feed the cat, get the paper, and just make sure everything's in order? Make yourself at home." I explained quickly.

If I slowed down and thought about what I was saying I'd start crying.

Gen paused, but only for a second. "Sure. I hope everything's alright. Where's the key?"

I explained everything she needed to know and then went back to the waiting room. Mum sat tersely, and Tune pretended to read a magazine; her eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall every three seconds. I resettled myself in my chair, closed my eyes, and prayed.


	4. Chapter 4

**James had a natural inclination for justice. He liked to fight for the underdog.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
James Potter

* * *

I wandered around the house aimlessly, trying to find a way to occupy my time. Only a month and a half left until term started again.

I sighed, kicked my foot against the wooden boards. My parents had gone on a trip. They'd offered me to come with them, but I'd refused, seeing as they were celebrating their anniversary.

So now I was alone in this big empty house by myself.

The doorbell rang. I jumped and slid down the main staircase's bannister.

"I've got it!" I yelled, and slid across the front entryway. I skidded to a stop a foot from the door.

Twisp glared unappreciatively at me, but I just smirked. I yanked open the door as she huffed away.

Sirius Black stood there, staring at his boots. He raised his head to meet my gaze and I stepped back slightly.

"Holy Fuck," I said, staring at his face.

The entire right side was blue and green, turning a deep yellow in some places. He had a cut along his left cheekbone and another along his jaw. He tried to smile, but it turned into a grimace.

I looked down to see two huge trunks beside him, and his bike in the driveway. His broom was still strapped to it.

"Mind if I stay here?" he mumbled guiltily.

I grinned at him and then stepped forward to embrace him. I pounded his back and he winced.

"Sorry. And of course; you don't have to ask."

I looked behind me. "Twisp, can you get those bags up to a guest bedroom? And some…thing for his face."

"Yes Master James," she said, and, clapped her hands to deal orders to the other house elves.

Sirius gave me a grateful look and trooped into the house. I latched the door and followed him to the kitchen.

"What the bloody fuck did they do to you?" I asked.

My blood boiled. I knew the Blacks resorted to physical "discipline" as they called it, but never had they gone this far. At least from what I knew.

He laughed mirthlessly. He got a drink from the ice box and sat down at the small wooden table. He looked even worse in direct sunlight.

"You know I've come over a lot here lately. At the start I just hung out in London a lot. I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand being in that house anymore." He took a swig from the bottle. Luckily it was just lemonade, I noticed. "They had a gathering yesterday. Completely mental." He clenched his free hand for a moment. "I tried to reason with them. Can you believe that? I tried to dissuade them from giving their support. My cousin Bella had a problem with that. So did Rosier and Malfoy, by the way. They told my father to 'teach me some manners'. Then they watched. Bella enjoyed that. She's the one that gave me the cuts. Enthusiastic bitch, that one. I swear I'll get her back one day."

I shook my head, completely horrified.

"They made Reg throw a few punches in, too. Just for good measure," he said quietly.

My head snapped up. Sirius had closed his eyes. When he opened them again they looked dead. It scared me.

"He didn't do it, though," I said, trying to believe it.

"Oh, but he's always been the model son."

He lifted his shirt so I could see the purple and black bruises covering his stomach and chest.

"For Merlin's…_Shit_, Padfoot."

He laughed again. "Yeah, that's what I said."

"You could have them arrested. Let's…"

He cut me off. "They've already got their friends in the Ministry. Just leave it. I'll just blow up the precious manor one day."

House elves had arrived with medicated gel.

"Mister Sirius would please lie down in the sunroom?"

He followed them into the next room. The house elves had covered a couch with a sheet. He stripped his shirt and laid down, letting them rub whatever it was over his injuries.

"Bloody cold, that is, isn't it," He muttered. He winced when they went over some particularly bad areas.

I punched one fist into the other hand. "I can't stand this. It's mental. They should pay for this." I said angrily.

My mother would go ballistic when she heard. She wouldn't let him go back.

"Mm. Well, I stole the money and jewels from their safes in the house, so," He stopped when one of the house elves started on his face.

I shook my head and walked over to the desk under the window. I wrote off a letter and called for Barmy. He landed on the windowsill, listened to my instructions while I tied the parchment to his leg, and took off. Hopefully he made the trip to my parents relatively quickly.

"You'll just have to stay here," I said firmly.

"No. I don't want to impose. I'll just stay until I'm healed up, then I'll be off."

"Don't be thick, Padfoot. What about Hogwarts?"

He shook his head. "I'll just get a job or something. Catch some boggarts on the side. I'll be fine, Prongs."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll see."

My parents would sort this out.

"Mister Sirius would stay here and rest, please." One of house elves told him firmly.

"Sure," he muttered. He still hadn't opened his eyes again.

His face looked haggard, and I realized that he must've stayed up all night, getting ready to make a break for it.

"I'll be back. Just get some rest, yeah?" I told him.

He grunted, and I left him. I walked over to the bar and grabbed a beer. I needed a drink to calm down. I clenched my fist and sat down, trying to not give in to the need to storm over to the Black's residence and set the house on fire myself.

It was maybe a half an hour later when a loud bang reverberated from the front drive. I looked up from where I was viciously playing darts. Sirius was still sleeping. I listened, trying to see if his parents had tracked him down and were demanding his head on a platter.

"Alright, Geoffrey. We've got it from here. Thanks much," I heard my Dad's voice say.

I raced to the door just as my Mum was turning the lock.

"James, dear," she said, and kissed my forehead. Her eyes swept the entryway. "Where is he?"

"In the sunroom. He's sleeping."

She swept off in that direction, her face clearly stating that she wasn't going to have any nonsense. I looked to the drive and saw my dad snap his fingers. The luggage rose and then started toward the door after him. He gave me a nod and followed after mum. He waved his wand and the luggage started to make its way upstairs. I hurried after him.

My Mum had her hands over her mouth as she took in Sirius laying there. I grimaced again when I saw just how many bruises he had, and I scowled when I noticed he had slashes on his chest.

Dad's face looked murderous. "Who the bloody devil do they think they are?" He said angrily.

"Oh, Alex. We can't let him go back there."

"Absolutely bloody well not. I'm going to have a talk with Orion." Dad's eyes blazed and he made to stride out of the room.

My mother crossed her arms and glared at him. "No! No, we can't. Not yet."

"Emmeline, do you see the state he's in?" Dad gestured.

"Of course I see it," Mum snapped. "But we'll just make it worse if we storm over there now." She turned to me. "When did this happen."

"Last night," I muttered.

Sirius stirred on the couch. He opened one eye a bit, and then realized who was there. His eyes popped open and he struggled to sit up.

"Sirius dear, don't move," Mum ordered.

"Yes ma'am," he said weakly.

"Sirius, you just feel free to stay here as long as you'd like," Mum told him gently, patting his hand.

"And by 'stay as long as you'd like' she means 'don't ever leave this house'." Dad clarified.

Sirius smiled weakly, and then winced. Dad frowned down at him. Mum clucked and ordered hot tea and biscuits for everyone. Dad and I sat down in a pair of armchairs. Mum sat down on the couch edge, waving her wand over Sirius' bruises. Some of them healed quickly, but others just turned a red-purple shade with yellowing edges. He bit his lip during the process.

"Thanks, Emmeline," he said when she was done.

She frowned down at the remaining bruises, which were most of them.

"At least they'll heal more quickly," she said, doubtful.

"I'm sure of it. And the house elves already put this salve on it…"

Mum sighed in relief. "Good."

She looked at my Dad and jerked her head toward the study. "I think you and I need to talk, Alex."

He nodded and rose, looking grim. Sirius thanked them again and then grabbed a biscuit.

"You certainly create a lot of excitement every time you're here," I commented dryly.

"I just feel bad about ruining their plans," He grumbled.

I shrugged. "They care about you, you know."

"You say that like it's no big deal," he said quietly.

I shifted my feet around. "It's the truth."

He looked thoughtful. Then he grinned. "Suppose I could call them Mum and Da permanently? Since I'll be living here for a bit."

I chucked a pillow at his head. "You'll be living here forever, you wanker."

He grinned and grabbed another biscuit.

Always stealing my things. The git.

I suppose this was what it felt like having a sibling.

* * *

**Lily wasn't good at saying goodbyes. She hated heart break.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
Lily Evans

* * *

We sat in the coroner's office, discussing funeral arrangements. Coffins. Plots. Headstones. Burying ceremonies. Priests. Flowers. Maintenance.

This was absurd. Dad would have thought it absurd. '_How_ many quid for the damn box?' I could just hear him. I could picture him sitting here with us, thinking that the staff was absolutely around the bend.

But he was gone. We were making these plans for him.

I felt sick to my stomach. I glanced over at Tune. She was nodding seriously at everything the man said. I wanted to shake her. 'Don't you feel anything?' I wanted to scream at her. 'Don't you know that we're here because of dad? Don't you think they're trying to squeeze us for every pence we've got?'

But I didn't. I sat there, hands clutching my middle, trying not to be sick all over the dingy linoleum.

Mum looked ready to cry her eyes out. I reached a hand to cover hers for a moment. She sent me a small smile and patted my fingers before tuning back into whatever the man was saying; something about a statue on top of the stone.

"I'll be back," I said quietly, and walked out.

I couldn't stand to be in this place for one more second.

I walked outside and breathed in the morning air. It had only been a couple of days since dad had passed at the hospital. It was like a slap in the face. We knew that it had been coming, but the suddenness – one minute he was here, the next he was gone – was still difficult to deal with. A strangled sound came out of my mouth and I clapped a hand over it. The tears were threatening to come. My eyes stung with their invasion. I looked up to the sky, tilting my head back, trying to force them into hiding.

Warm arms enveloped me. I looked up to see my mum, tears in her eyes.

"I told him we needed a break," she said quietly.

I blinked and nodded. "It's so…stupid." I finished rather lamely. There were no words to express how it all seemed, how I was feeling. This should be pointless. It was silly that we should even be discussing this.

Mum rested her head on my shoulder, and I put mine on hers. We gazed out at the rolling lawn in front of the building, the cars parked in the lot beyond it. After what seemed like a long time she sniffled and rubbed my arm.

"Ready, Lily?" Her voice wavered.

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out in a shaky rush. "Yeah. Let's go."

We walked in, supporting one another, walking toward somewhere we'd rather run away from.

Tune was still in that chair. She hadn't left the office. The agent sipped some water and stood when he saw us enter.

"Please," he said, gesturing to the chairs we had vacated.

Tune whipped her head around to look at us. She pursed her lips and didn't say a thing as we sat.

It seemed like hours, that we were there. It probably was. My sense of time had all but disappeared.

When we got home we did what we've taken to doing – sitting by ourselves locked away with our grief. I stretched out on my bed, staring at the family portrait that sat on my desk. We had looked so happy, so carefree. The tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. It wasn't fair.

It wouldn't ever be fair.

* * *

A knock fell on my door after a short period of time. "Lily?" Mum's voice asked.

"Yeah," I answered quickly, wiping my tears away and sitting up.

She opened the door and leaned her face in. It was blotchy, and her makeup had run. She had been crying, no doubt. That's all we seemed to do.

"Did you address the invitations to your friends, yet?"

I shook my head. The funeral invitations sat on my desk. We had only just brought them home with us this afternoon.

"I suppose it's too early to expect you to do them. But if we want the funeral for the week after next we'd better do it today or tomorrow. I've…I've started to call…" She broke down in my door.

"Oh, Mum," I said, crying myself. I walked over and hugged her.

"What's happened?" Tune asked, opening her door.

"What do you think has happened, Petunia?" I snapped at her, but with less force than I intended due to my tears.

She scowled, and I noticed the stack of envelopes in her hands.

"What're those?" I asked, and mum turned.

"The invitations addressed to my friends," she replied, holding them aloft.

"You've finished?" I asked, stunned.

She sneered at me. "Of course, Lily. We've got to get these out."

I gaped at her. She rolled her eyes and held them out to mum.

"Didn't you…find it difficult?" I heard myself ask.

She looked at me like _I_ was the queer one.

"It's an envelope, Lily. You address it."

That did it. I snapped.

"What the _hell_ are you, Petunia? Don't you feel _anything_? Aren't you _sad_? Don't you _cry_? Here you are, acting all cold and superior, getting your cards addressed when we've only _just_ got them, _just_ came home from making arrangements, and it's like you don't even bloody care. Dad's _gone_, Petunia. He's not ever going to come back home. Aren't you at all bothered by it?" I put my hands on my hips and eyed her.

She glared at me with those cold little blue eyes, and slammed her door.

Well.

At least I know where we stood.

* * *

**James had never encountered Grief before. He had never lost anyone.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
James Potter

* * *

I looked down at the grey and purple card in my lap. I couldn't move. I just stared at it, completely bewildered. My eyes read the elegant script again.

_The Evans' Family mourns the loss of loving Husband and Father, Henry Charles Evans._

_In memory of their loved one, they invite you to attend a mass and burial ceremony held on July 27__th__, in this year 1976, held from two o'clock to four in the evening, at St. John's Church._

_Directions to the ceremony are enclosed._

_In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation for the continuation of Cancer Research at St. Dominic's Hospital in London._

_Please RSVP for ceremony attendance by the Friday, July 22, 1976._

A note had also been shoved in, slightly crumpled, from Lily. My fingers uncurled around it so I could read it again.

_Dear James,_

_I know we don't really know each other. We've only just had a truce, and we're not really friends, but I thought maybe you'd like to come. You don't have to if you'd rather not. I understand. Don't feel like you have to make a donation or anything of the sort either. I just thought maybe you'd like to know about the ceremony._

_I know you never met my dad, but I think he would have liked you. He was a joker during his student years as well._

_Lily_

It was like I had the wind knocked out of me. I remembered Gen telling me that Lily's dad had been looking forward to see her, and that they were close. 'She's her dad's favorite' Gen had told me, laughing. 'If you want to get in with Lily you've got to get in with her dad, first.'

Looked like I would never get the chance to. My heart beat slowly, and something inside me sunk. I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to lose one of my parents. I pinched the bridge of my nose, pushing my specs out of the way. I swallowed hard, several times, and focused on breathing. Sadness ripped through me for the loss, and for Lily. She didn't deserve this on top of her stress of the past term.

Something hit my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see Sirius leaning against the doorframe.

"C'mon, Prongs, mate, we've got a scrimmage."

I blinked slowly, and looked from him to the cards in my lap.

"Um," I said, unable to think.

He frowned and walked over to take a look. His face stilled and he sat down next to me, grabbing the papers out of my hands.

"Barmy," he said softly.

He looked at me. "You're going to attend, aren't you?" He asked.

"I suppose so," I said, ruffling my hair. "I didn't even know him, you know? But I can't imagine what Lily's going through."

Sirius nodded, putting the notes back in the envelope and tossing it onto my bed.

"I'll go too," he added, standing up and stretching.

"What?"

He shrugged. "You're not the only one who can be there for Lily, you know. I happen to like the bird, too."

I shook my head. "Are you sure?" Sirius was usually never this supportive of anything Lily.

"She just lost her dad, mate. I'm sure."

I nodded and stood, grabbing the envelope.

"I'll just let everyone know, then, shall I?"

I walked down the stairs into the living room. My parents were reading The Prophet, trading off sections as they finished. Remus and Pete stood fidgeting by the door to the back, eager to get down to the mini Quidditch pitch my dad had made when I was still learning how to fly.

I cleared my throat. Mum looked up from the paper with a quizzical expression. Dad just read on. Remus and Pete huffed impatiently.

"C'mon, Prongs. You've taken _ages_ already, and you're not even geared up yet!" Pete complained.

Sirius shot him a look and he shut up, realizing something was off.

"This just came in the mail," I said, holding up the envelope.

"What is it, son?" Dad asked absently, turning the page.

I swallowed hard and tapped it against my fingers. "Funeral invitation," I said.

He jerked his head up to look at me. Mum put down the paper and peered at it, trying to read the script from where she sat.

"For who?" she asked.

"Lily Evans' dad," Remus supplied for me.

He scuffed his foot as we looked at him. "One came for me earlier today, as well," he said, "I didn't bring it up because I wasn't sure if you'd be getting one."

"Bloody big help you are," Sirius muttered.

Remus just shrugged. "I'm still not sure what's happening between them. This truce is tricky."

"Well, obviously she's feeling like it's something," I said. I wasn't angry with him. I probably would have done the same thing.

Mum held out her hand for it and read over it quickly, holding her half-moon reading specs to her eyes.

"Well, of course we'll make a donation. Alex dear, we've got to attend."

"Of course," he replied.

"You said that Lily Evans had that muggle phone line?" Mum asked.

I nodded.

"Wonderful. I'll ring them to let them know we're all attending, you boys included."

"With what?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"With the muggle phone your father had installed yesterday. Wonderful device. Met some lovely muggles while on holiday. Of course they only have this invention to communicate through. A bit of an inconvenience, but I thought it would come in handy," she said, walking into the sunroom.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Very sneaky," I told my dad. He smiled.

"Your mother is always right, James," he said seriously.

"Women are always right, in general," I replied, thinking back on all the fights with Lily.

He snorted in agreement and went back to reading the paper. I sighed and ruffled my hair again. The sense of helplessness or whatever it was stirring in my stomach made me feel off.

"Maybe we should take a rain check," I told my mates.

They all nodded in agreement.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Happy New Year, loves. Sorry that this upload isn't such a great way to start the season._  
_

* * *

**Lily had always hated the rain. She didn't understand its monotonous comfort.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
Lily Evans

* * *

I had been here in our garden before the rain. I had dibs. Why couldn't it just leave me be in peace? It poured down all around me. The cloth awning over the swinging bench began to sag, and I glared at it balefully. I hated the rain.

It was crashing down, creating such a ruckus on the leaves of the plants around me, and on the bricks which created our short patio. I sat there, my knees scrunched up to my chest, glaring at the sky.

"Having a staring contest?"

My eyes turned away from the black clouds and found Gen standing in the downpour, two feet away.

"I'm winning, I think," I said with a sigh.

She turned her head up to the clouds and closed her eyes. She opened her hands, palm up, and stood there, letting the rain soak her hair and clothes.

"It's cathartic," she said slowly.

I scowled at her. Maybe _she_ liked feeling like a drowning cat, but I did not.

"Fine," I sniffed, "Catch a cold. That's your prerogative."

She shook her head and sat down on the swing under the eaves. Her hair was plastered straight against her neck and shoulders.

"The first time I cried was in the rain," she said, giving a push off the ground.

I watched her watch the rain. She had a terrific poker face.

"You should give it a try, Lils. The rain is actually quite cleansing."

Right. Standing in a freezing cold downpour, getting everything plastered to my body in a wet, grubby, drenched mess, was supposed to be cleansing. More like asking for pneumonia.

"Maybe another time."

She shrugged and swung back and forth. The awning above me began to drip.

"How're you doing?" She asked.

It had only been two weeks, but every day it was like being hit with it all over again. I blinked and then nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

"I'm…here," I said.

She nodded, understanding.

"How about you?" I asked. Gen had used to call dad 'uncle'.

"I'm alright," she said quietly, dropping her head.

We sat like that until the rain turned into a drizzle, talking about the good memories. Then we went inside and made some tea, curling up on the carpet in the living room with biscuits and playing board games. We were halfway through _Guess Who?_ when the doorbell rang. I hopped up to answer it.

"No peeking!" I said as I hopped to the door.

I looked through the peephole and frowned. James Potter, completely drenched, stood on my doorstep. I yanked the door open and felt the hazy air rush past.

"Hi," I said.

"Hullo," He replied, peeking over his rain speckled glasses.

He blinked as a rivulet of water flowed down his face. He pushed back his wet hair and sighed. I looked behind him to see a yellow car parked by the curb.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Lily," he said.

My eyes slowly moved back to his face. His eyes were sad, and he gave an empathetic smile.

"I would have been here sooner," he continued when I didn't say anything, "only I didn't know…Well, I didn't know if…if that would be alright." He shifted uncomfortably on the doorstep.

My heart sank and my hands went numb. My eyes got that uncomfortable stinging sensation again. I forced myself to smile.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Puddles were forming around his feet.

"Oh, oh come in, James. Come in. Sorry you're all wet," I fussed as I moved aside to let him pass.

"Ah, I only popped by to see how you were doing. I'd rather not bother you." He made to run a hand through his hair, and then realized that it was plastered down. He chuckled nervously.

"God's sake come in, Potter," I said, gripping his wrist and pulling him forward.

"I'm wet."

He did a splendid job of stating the obvious.

"Uhg, this would be so much easier if we could just do magic," I grumbled, taking a dismayed look at his soaked clothing. He couldn't possibly sit down on anything.

He rolled his eyes, located his wand, and waved it once. Instantly his hair sprung up in all directions and his clothes were impeccably dried.

I gasped. "You'll get suspended!"

He only grinned. "If it was my wand," he said, tapping his nose.

I frowned at him.

"His dad lets him borrow his wand when he's at home. They have almost identical ones, you know," Gen said from behind me.

She was lying on her stomach, mindlessly flipping the little plastic doors on the game open and closed.

"Not bloody fair, is it?" she grinned when she saw my face.

I put my hands on my hips and scowled. The camaraderie I had felt when Potter had expressed his condolences disappeared.

"Ah, don't be angry, Evans. He wants me to further my schooling with practical application."

"Spoiled brat is what you are," Gen commented dryly.

"Not anymore. Sirius moved in," He said with a grin.

"I know," Gen replied, not looking at him. James looked puzzled.

I frowned. "Doesn't he live with his folks?" I asked.

His jaw clenched. Gen shifted uncomfortably.

"That bad," I said. James was instantly on the defensive.

"You can't blame the bloke. They're bloody mental."

"I didn't say they weren't, Potter. And if you're resolved to staying, would you like a cup of tea?" I asked.

"No, thanks. I have to get back, actually."

"Oh."

He looked at me, his hazel eyes rooting me to the spot. There was something heavy about them. I tried to look away and failed. Finally, he seemed to shake himself and glanced away.

"You got our RSVPs, right?" he asked.

"Yes, yes we did. Thank you. You really didn't have to…"

"Yes, we did."

I looked up at him ruffling his hair.

"So, I suppose I'll see you then."

He nodded. "See you then."

"Here, take an umbrella with you. You can return it later," I told him, shoving one from beside the door into his hands.

He protested, but eventually I managed to shoo him out with it. I locked the door again and returned to our game.

Only now I couldn't concentrate.

* * *

**Imogen didn't like to wear black. It reminded her too much of the year she spent wearing it.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
Imogen Blackwell

* * *

The black hat I wore shielded the sun from my eyes as we stood beside the open plot. My eyelids fluttered furiously as I tried not to let my tears get the best of me. I held Lily's arm as they lifted the casket up off the ground.

He had died too young. My parents had died too young.

Flashbacks berated me from all sides as the box was lowered down into the dark black soil. The mass, the plot, the flowers – it had all been so similar.

"Goodbye, Uncle Henry," I whispered as he disappeared from view.

Lily let the tears fall in torrents down her face. Her mum kept a handkerchief firmly clutched over her cheeks and nose, not bearing to look for more than two seconds at a time. And Petunia, she scared me the most. She was almost devoid of any emotion. She didn't cry. She just stood there, incredibly stiffly, with this sort of desperate look on her face. Almost as if in the next second she expected her dad to come from around the corner and say it was all a good joke.

But I knew it wasn't.

The clawing of loss pounded open the cracks I had tried to compress, and wracked them. I took gasping inhales to calm the waves of injustice and hurt. Lily would be feeling ten times worse. I rubbed her arm soothingly and placed my head on her shoulder. Her body was trembling like a leaf.

I had loved Uncle Henry. He had stepped in to fill a gap he hadn't even known existed when I had met him. Lily had invited me over the summer during third year, not knowing what had happened with my parents. He had been funny and supportive and kind. Over the number of times I had visited we had bonded, and I had started calling her parents Uncle and Aunt, adopting them into my small circle of family. Now he was gone, and it was unfair. I knew that Lily and he had been particularly close. She had been daddy's girl.

I had to stay strong for her. I had to help her through this.

It wouldn't be easy. Heaven knew it wouldn't be easy.

The priest said a few closing words and I crossed myself. I let the family have a little time together and went to find my aunt as people started to mill around.

"Celestria," I called.

She came and hugged me tightly to her. We both had tears staining our faces.

"It was a beautiful ceremony," I choked out.

She nodded and wiped her cheeks. "You stay with Lily. I'm sure I can get a ride with Emmeline to the house," Celestria told me.

I nodded and made my way back through the ever-thickening knot of people. A tall dark shadow detached itself from a small group and came toward me.

"You alright?" Sirius asked me.

I tried to nod, but more tears started to pour down my face instead. He held the hands that I had put over my mouth to stifle the noises, and then he drew me into him. My hands were curled on his chest, and I cried into them as he wrapped his arms around me and held me there.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I shook my head and tried to control myself.

"It'll be okay."

I laughed shakily and leaned my head back to look at him. "I know," I said through my tears.

His dark chocolate brown eyes looked into mine, and my world stilled. My breathing slowed until it finally stopped hitching. His look said things that he never said aloud.

"Better?" he asked, smiling.

I wiped under my eyes. His hands were warm on the small of my back, applying just the right amount of pressure.

"I think so," I said, my voice cracking just a little.

"Then I'll go and find James. Don't want them to leave without me," He said.

And then, so swiftly that I wasn't sure if it had happened, he kissed me on the forehead and walked away. I stared after him, my heels sinking into the grass, wondering.

I shook myself, feeling more lost without him by my side. But that was ridiculous. Sirius was funny, Sirius was witty, but Sirius never took birds seriously. Yes, he somehow managed to swing by the flat quite a bit, but that's only because he was mates with James, and James was family…sort of. The sadness clawed further and further back up out of my belly and I had to take a deep breath or two before going to find Lily.

She was standing by the grave, her skin brilliantly white against the black, her flaming hair tucked into a bun under a neat little hat. She stood there, looking down into the pit, her arms folded around her middle, crying. I slowly made my way over to her. She glanced up, her green eyes rimmed by redness. Her hand snuck into mine and we stood there, linked, saying our final goodbyes silently.

Then we turned and made out way to the station wagon. Petunia was already sitting inside of it, staring sullenly out the window. Aunt Rose came out of the church and walked down the steps, wiping away tears.

"Alright. Off to the house," she said.

It was a silent ride back. Lily leaned her head on my shoulder, and I patted her knee before staring mindlessly out of the window.

We were both broken.

* * *

**James wasn't often at a loss for words. He'd never been faced with something he couldn't handle.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
James Potter

* * *

Lily walked through the door, and pretty soon she disappeared from view as a crowd of people massed around the Evans'. I took a swallow of the tepid tea I had gotten. She looked hollow.

Sirius came up beside me. He had loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his dress shirt. Usually I would have told him to shape up, but he never dealt with things like this well. And I had other things on my mind. I handed him my tea and started through the crush of people. Suddenly I saw Lily elbowing through the crowd, taking Gen with her. They climbed the stairs and disappeared. I squeezed along the wall and followed them when no one was watching.

Luckily she had kept her door open, so they were easy to find.

"I just can't take all those people down there," I heard her say haltingly.

Gen stayed silent. I stood in her doorframe and tapped on the wood. Lily spun around.

"What are you…?" She asked, and then stopped. She looked so lost.

Her eyes were filled with tears and her hair was falling out of the bun. She had taken off her hat and jacket, and she stood in her pantyhose and black dress.

"How are you?" I asked her quietly.

Gen rose from her chair and went over to Lily. She touched her arm, nodded, and gave me a watery smile as she walked past me out the door.

I kept my eyes trained on Lily. Merlin, I wanted to make this better for her. If I could I would take over whatever grief and anger she had, in a heartbeat. It was bothering me to see her like this. She was just so…empty.

She clutched herself. The light filtered in from behind her, the setting sun hitting her hair and turning it gold and copper. Her face was drawn and tight, stiff. Her body slumped in toward her middle, like she was being compressed in space.

"I…I don't know," she said. Her voice cracked in the middle and the tears spilled over.

I didn't know when I had moved, but suddenly I was right there in front of her. I tentatively touched her forearm, not sure if she wanted comfort. She instantly melted and wrapped her hands around my waist. She was shaking. I wrapped my arms around her, locking my hands on her back. My cheek rested on the top of her head. It was the second time we had ever had any physical contact. Why was it that it only happened when she cried?

"Lily," I swallowed hard. "I wish I could make it better."

She sniffled. "You are," she whispered.

We stayed like that, standing in the middle of her room, until she stopped shaking. Eventually she breathed easier and her whimpering noises quieted.

I rubbed her back. "If you ever need to talk…" I trailed off and looked into her eyes.

Her face relaxed into a grateful expression. "Thank you."

I nodded and started to withdraw back downstairs. Her hand caught my sleeve.

"Potter," she said, and then took a breath. "James," she said again.

My heart actually stuttered as I turned to look at her again.

"Do you…do you mind staying the night?"

"Wh-what?" I choked out. I could barely breathe.

She let out a shaky laugh. "That's not what I meant. We're having a midnight vigil for…for my dad. Gen's staying, and your parents and the rest of them are welcome to stay, as well. I just thought…" she trailed off and bit her lip, uncomfortable.

I came back and hugged her briefly, but kept my hands on her arms when I pulled away.

"Of course," I told her.

She let out a relieved sigh and touched her fingers to my sleeve again.

"Thank you."

"Lily," I told her, waiting until she met my eyes. "I'll always be here for you."

She looked at me, some life coming back into her eyes. It looked like she was sizing me up. Then she shook her head and her eyes returned to their previous emptiness.

"Sev didn't come," She said slowly.

I dropped my hands to my sides. "You expected him to?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice neutral.

She bit her lip again and patted at her hair. Her eyes blinked shut and opened again, slowly.

"He knew him…I figured, well, it shouldn't matter whether or not we're friends. Our mothers…" She trailed off, upset.

I ran a hand through my hair roughly. He kept hurting Lily, one way or another, and the sodding git didn't even care.

"Well, now you know who your friends really are, yeah?" I told her.

Her eyes pulled back to mine. The corners of her mouth lifted for half a second.

"I suppose," she sighed.

"Do you think you can handle the mob?" I asked gently, offering her my arm.

She looked toward the door. "I think so. I just need a minute."

I nodded and backed toward the door. "I'll see you down there."

Marlene and Dor were at the bottom of the stairs, looking strangely at me as I descended.

"What?" I asked them.

They looked at each other.

"Were you just visiting Lily?" Dor asked. Her dark brown eyes looked accusing.

"Yes. We did make a truce, you know."

Marlene shook out her short dark blonde hair. "That's beside the point. She didn't yell at you or anything like that?"

I rolled my eyes and made a move past them. They blocked my way again. Marlene glared daggers at me.

"You didn't make her cry, did you?" Dorcas threw in. Her tight Puerto Rican curls almost shook in anger.

"Look," I told them, running a hand through my hair. "I like Lily, alright? I wouldn't do anything more to hurt her when she's already got no spirit left."

Their eyes widened and their faces took on sad expressions.

"Of course, we shouldn't have assumed, Potter," Marlene murmured.

"You know me better than that, Mar. For Merlin's sake we're on the team together."

She nodded her head and then looked at me. "Sorry, I suppose we're just overprotective of Lily."

"You've caused her lots of heart break, Potter."

Confusion spread through me. "_Heart break_?"

Dorcas clapped a hand over her mouth. Marlene glared down at her. Their height difference was almost comical.

"She just meant that you've hurt her a lot, in general." Marlene tried to cover up.

"We are talking about this later," I told them severely, and then went to find my Mum.

What in the devil did they mean by heart break? _Lily_ had always been the one who had stomped all over _mine_. I tried to puzzle it out while I helped mum serve refreshments.

I'd have to talk to those birds later. Right now the Evans' needed my help.

* * *

**Sirius liked to help people. He just didn't like to make it obvious.**

Date: July 1976  
Summer  
Sirius Black

* * *

Most of the people had left, and I slumped against the wall. We had been circulating, doing odd bits and ends to make sure Lily or her mum hadn't had to lift a finger. A sort of satisfaction settled into the pit of my stomach. I still felt horrible for them, but that was it. I hadn't known the man personally, wasn't really close to Lily, so I hadn't felt the need to fake a few tears. Couldn't imagine what it was like, though, losing someone that close. I rubbed the back of my neck and sighed.

"Boring, isn't it," Pete said as he bumped onto the wall next to me.

I gave him a look.

"What?"

I shook my head. "They just lost someone they loved, Pete. It's not supposed to be _fun_."

Sometimes I thought his mum had dropped him on his head when he'd been a baby. Multiple times.

He frowned and looked down at his toes.

"Look, why don't you take those dishes to the kitchen. They don't have magic to do it for them, here."

He grumbled as he walked away.

I looked around. Hardly anyone was left, now. Remus was talking to Mrs. Evans, and Emmeline and Celestria were arranging candles and pictures around the room. James was up to his elbows in suds, cleaning china in the kitchen. I almost laughed.

Lily and the girls were nowhere to be scene. Probably up in her room. I rolled up my sleeves again and placed my jacket on the coat rack. I hated being around feelings, especially when it reminded me of my own upbringing. There had been no love in my family. There still wasn't. I snorted.

"Alright?" A voice said from behind me.

I turned to see Gen on the stairwell. Her blonde hair was pinned away from her face, and her cheeks were flushed. The tip of her nose was pink, her blue eyes over bright and incredibly dark, almost black.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, great."

She stepped down onto the landing and looked at me carefully. "Are you sure? You look a bit flushed."

"I'm fine. Take those for you, shall I?" I asked, nodding toward the teacups stacked in her hands.

"Oh, I've got them," she said, and glanced down.

I walked with her anyway.

"Are you staying for the vigil?" I asked her.

She nodded, and set the cups down on the counter. "Are you?" She asked, handing them to James.

"All of us are," we both replied at the same time.

She smiled.

As she walked away back up the stairs I found myself absently re-stacking the pile of napkins. I shook myself as James splashed a bit of water my way.

"You alright, mate?" He asked, glancing at me.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I grumbled.

"Well, you're the one re-stacking paper napkins," he shot back.

Emmeline walked in and looked at me. "Sirius, dear, roll down those sleeves."

I looked down at my arms. Bits of some of my tattoos poked out from under the sleeve edges. I sighed and rolled them back down. She tapped her wand over the fabric and the wrinkles instantly disappeared. Then she stuffed the wood hastily back into her dress pocket.

"It's hot in here, Mum, I can't breathe," I whined to her.

She shook her head. "They have fans. We best turn them on."

She went off the find the switch. James was done and drying his hands with a towel. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"You've something on your mind."

He knew me exceptionally well.

"It's nothing," I said.

"You've been brooding about something for weeks, Padfoot. What is it?" He crossed his arms. There would be no getting out of this conversation.

I stared out at the darkening sky.

"How do you know how you feel about Evans?" I asked him.

He looked at me, confused. "Er, what do you mean?"

I sighed and started twirling a discarded spoon between my fingers. "I mean, you've fancied other birds, right? But how do you know that you still want to go out with only Evans? How do you know you want to be tied down to _her_? Why not give up?"

He shifted his gaze and ran a hand through his hair. It was beyond help, at this point. His fingers drummed out a random rhythm while he thought. I just stood there, waiting patiently. I knew it was a hard question. I'd intentionally made it difficult for him.

"She, I mean, every time I see her it's like my day just got a little bit better. When she's happy, I'm happy. When she's sad I want to take over her hurt. I want to protect her from things that upset her." He shrugged. "It's not just because she's fit. It's because of who she is, what she does. I admire her. She excels at points I'm weak in."

"But that's just it. Why not just be her mate?" I frowned.

He shook his head instantly. "I want more than that."

"How do you know?" I was started to get exasperated.

He rolled his eyes. "Because I know, Padfoot. Okay? Trust me on this one."

"Of course I trust you, mate. It's just that…"

"What's going on?" Remus said, coming in and sitting down at the small wooden table.

Pete hung around in the doorway.

I sighed. I didn't want everyone bloody _here_ while I talked to Prongs.

"Nothing," I grumbled.

James shot me an odd look, but kept quiet.

Celestria saved us just in time. "Boys, come grab a seat. We're going to start the vigil."

She was like an older version of Imogen, but more straight than curved. She was also incredibly tall. James had told me that she had been a model. She had quit when Gen had moved in with her.

We followed her into the living room. Dozens of candles lit the space in a soft glow. Mr. Evans' face sat on one of the side tables, surrounded by flowers and candles.

We arranged ourselves and then bowed our heads as the priest started a long drone of prayer. I had never liked church.

It was hours, and nearing three in the morning, when we stopped.

"Thank you," Mrs. Evans said, thanking each of us personally. Tears trailed down her face, and I gave her a tight smile.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I said, before she moved on.

Lily's sister disappeared instantly, along with some of her friends. Lily hugged each one of us. James stayed behind to talk to her. I wandered out into the brisk air, standing on their lawn and looking at the stars. They were so far away. I wondered what Earth looked like from those stars. We were all so small, so insignificant. And yet we had such a big impact on other people's lives.

Taking a fag out now would be frowned upon.

I sighed and tugged my jacket on, wondering what was taking so long.

"Thank you," Lily said quietly.

I jumped. I hadn't notice her ghost silently out to my side.

"Sure," I said.

We both looked up toward the sky.

"I know you don't like having to deal with all of this, so I'm grateful you came."

"Don't see how much of a help I was," I muttered.

She smiled. "You were here. That was enough." She paused for a moment. "I know you've had a rough summer, as well. So if you need anything I just want you to know that I'm willing to help."

Her offer completely shocked me. I just stood there. I barely knew the bird. I mean, I liked her well enough, but I hardly thought we were on the level.

But then again, what the hell was I doing here if I didn't see some potential in this. I ran a hand through my hair. I could really use a fag.

"Yeah," I finally said. I swallowed and looked down at her.

She looked so pale in the moonlight, really like a ghost. Her hair stood out like a flame. A beacon, I thought, and smiled. She smiled back.

The rest of the party trooped out. The car beeped as the locks slid open.

"Goodnight, Ms. Evans," I said, bowing low.

"Bye, Sirius."

She waved as she headed back inside. I stared after her. She had had an entirely shit day, and she had just offered to help me with my own problems.

I was starting to see what Prongs had been saying about her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Severus wasn't a mean person, naturally. But he craved recognition, and that made him ruthless.**

Date: August 1976  
Summer  
Severus Snape

* * *

I was in my room, writing. The curtains were drawn, the door was closed, and there was nothing to distract me. I wrote my observations of my experiments. As I finished, my eyes flicked up to where Lily's note sat, pinned to my cork board.

_Sev,_

_I know I said we're through, and we are. But I thought maybe you'd like to pay your respects. I know he was a muggle, but you liked him, at one point._

_Your mum's coming._

_-L.E._

My fingers clenched tighter around the quill. I hadn't gone to the funeral, or to the house after. I had sat here, brewing potions and making notes.

Feelings of anger, guilt, and frustration coursed through me. I was trying to better myself, to become more knowing! Didn't she see that? Didn't she _understand_? I was doing this for her, but I was doing this for myself first.

I had called her a mudblood.

I cringed at the word. She hadn't deserved that, I knew that. I had instantly regretted it. But there she'd been, saving my sorry arse _again_. I was sick of being the one rescued. I was sick of people not letting me handle things. I was sick of how self-righteous everyone was. People needed social order. They needed to understand that there were people who were made to rule, and people who were born to _be_ ruled. You couldn't trust the individual anymore. Someone needed to step in and grab the reins.

I would be one of those people. And once Lily saw how I could handle things she would begin to fall for me, and then we would be together, and no one would be able to touch us.

It had been a necessary temporary evil. The Dark Lord would see her exceptional talent. Lily was better than most of the pureblood witches in our year. He would be so impressed he would dismiss her heritage. Then she would be with me.

A knock fell on my door and I shook myself out of my imaginings. I still had to go through training this year, before I could be called to action.

"Severus?" my mother's voice called feebly through the door.

"What?" I snapped. "I'm busy."

She opened the door, her face kind. It wasn't her fault that she had married a muggle. My father had been charming; before he ran off with the secretary. He hadn't been afraid of my mother.

"Did you call Lily yet, dear?"

"She and I aren't talking, mother." I kept my eyes on my parchment.

"You'll get through it. You've had rough patches before." She gave me an encouraging smile.

_Not like this one._ I thought. "Maybe," I mumbled, turning away.

She sighed. "Tea is downstairs," she said, and then closed the door.

I scowled and closed my book with a bang. I made my way downstairs and sat through a grueling tea with my mother. Then I walked over the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

"Where are you going?" she asked. The dishes were washing themselves in the sink behind her.

"I have to go pick up some more things for school," I told her quickly.

"You've been down there an awful lot lately, Severus. Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine, mother. I just forgot something else."

"Don't be too long. I don't want to have to go find you in Diagon Alley."

I turned and threw the powder into the fire, and stepped in.

"Diagon Alley!" I yelled.

A pull and hair-raising spin later, I found myself stepping out of the Owlery. I dusted myself off as I made my way between witches and wizards. The closer I got to our meeting place the thinner the crowd became. I walked on to Knockturn Alley and stepped into Deadman's Corner.

The bar was not an appetizing place to meet, and I scrunched my nose at the smell. I nodded to the bartender and made my way to the back room. Most of them were already there.

"Severus," Evan greeted me. "Glad you could get away."

"Of course," I said.

I sat down and turned to the boy on my right.

"So you're interested in joining our cause?" I asked him.

Regulus Black shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was a two years younger than me, only starting his fourth year at Hogwarts.

He shrugged. "My family's pretty interested, so…"

I raised an eyebrow. "So...what? You've come to think about it? In that case, get out."

"Severus," Evan growled.

Regulus stared at me, but didn't move. I nodded.

"You're more interested than you let on," I told him smugly.

He rolled his eyes and slumped down into his chair. For a moment he reminded me of his older brother.

"We need people like you, Regulus," Lucius Malfoy drawled from his seat, "Young, dedicated, logical. We need you there to carry on recruiting once the older ones have graduated."

We all nodded our agreement. Lucius had graduated the year before I had attended Hogwarts. He was already in the innermost circle, and The Dark Lord had entrusted him to train us as necessary.

A few others from my class were there as well. A few girls dotted the scene, but the overwhelming majority of us were male.

"Now, we shall start," Lucius said, rising.

"The Dark Lord trusts me to continue your training, even after term has begun. When you have all returned to school we will meet at Hogsmeade. We have made _reservations_ at a house of someone who thought it funny to demean our cause."

"How is that possible?" Crabbe scoffed.

He was never really that bright.

Lucius merely smiled at him until Crabbe gulped and looked away.

"Now," Lucius continued, striding back and forth in the small room, "Some of you have done more training than others during the holiday. We will access your skills next time. For now, I will tell you about honor, devotion, and loyalty. All of these things The Dark Lord requires of you. He requires blood. He requires utter submission. But he doesn't want blathering _fools_." He glared at Crabbe again, who sunk lower into his seat. "The Dark Lord," he continued, "would like to meet with a chosen few. You will be chosen based on three tasks you will have to complete. Whoever finishes these tasks and excels at them will be chosen."

He continued on, explaining about what The Dark Lord required and what each task would entail. He didn't tell us what exactly we had to do. That would come.

This was the chance to prove myself.

I would meet The Dark Lord.

* * *

**Imogen had made it a habit of wearing her lucky eagle pendant on every first day of term. Tradition was especially important to her.**

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Imogen Blackwell

* * *

I fingered the tiny gold eagle pinned on my navy cardigan. Celestria sat next to me on the bench, the air around her head filled with bewitched parchment. My aunt was only thirty, but she already operated a successful finishing school. Magical families from all over the world sent their children to be schooled by her. For a second I felt guilty. Celestria had been a model with a promising career before she had adopted me. Even though the circumstances hadn't been my fault, I felt bad for robbing her of the life she could have had.

Her blue eyes glanced up at me, and she smiled.

"Happy about going back?" She asked.

I smiled reflexively. "Yes, now that I know I was accepted into the Forensics track."

Her smile fell, just a fraction, but it did. I knew she worried about me. Ever since the night my parents had died I had taken a vested interest in solving mysteries and crimes.

"Yes, well, you'll see how you like it, then."

She went back to her parchments. I fingered the gold eagle again. It had belonged to my mother. My grandmother had gotten it for her when the sorting hat had placed her in Ravenclaw. It was one of the things I had inherited from her. Dad had been a Ravenclaw as well. Celestria had been a Slytherin, and she still wore her gold snake on a chain around her neck.

Familial Houses died hard, I suppose. At least she had hated Bellatrix, and all the other rotten ones. Not all Slytherins were bad, I knew. We were acquainted with some really decent ones. One even only had to look around the school to find exemplary Slytherins of the magical world. Just look at Professor Slughorn, or even Madame Pomfrey. My aunt was one example of many.

Our family had been in Ravenclaw or Slytherin for generations, dating back to when the school first opened. A few had gotten into other houses, but their children usually folded back into tradition. My Great Grandfather had been a Gryffindor. But I supposed the line of Hogwarts Blackwells died with me; unless Celestria or I married one of our distant cousins in France.

Yuck.

I shook my head to dispel those thoughts and searched once more for my friends. It was nearing boarding time. Lily at least should be here. She was always on time.

"Marlene!" I called, jumping up and waving my arms to attract the other blonde's attention.

She saw me and grinned, waving and heading in my direction. She pushed her trolley in front of her, her mother following behind. Her father was a muggle, and couldn't pass through the barriers.

"Hello, Mrs. McKinnon," I greeted her mother. She nodded and turned to hug Celestria.

Marlene grinned at me and mussed my hair. "Ready for the school year, Gen?"

I made a face and brushed at my hair, getting it to settle back into its shape.

"Are you? Have you been practicing for Quidditch?"

She snorted. Marlene was one of the best Chasers for Gryffindor. She acted like a bloke – all she thought about, talked about, dreamt about, practically, was Quidditch. The only time I ever saw her in anything other than school robes or jeans was at one of the Marauder bashes. Then I could stuff her into a skirt or dress and style her like the bird she was. The only real shame was that she couldn't wear heels because of her height.

"Of course," she scoffed, pinning back a section of her short hair.

"You understand if I'll cheer for Ravenclaw, won't you?" I asked her, smirking.

She threw a punch my way, but I dodged it.

"Not that I don't think you're amazing, but I'd rather you drop the ball."

Mar laughed and shook her head. "Not a chance! Potter and I will cream you."

"With what?" James' voice joined in. He and Sirius stood a few feet away with his parents.

"Quidditch," I explained, and rolled my eyes.

"Why wasn't I included in the creaming?" Sirius said, feigning offense.

"Because you don't do anything important," Mar told him.

"Fine. I'll let you get hit by a bludger and let you get back to me."

She made noises of indignation in her throat. "I'll just dodge the bloody bludger."

The adults chuckled and started catching up with their own lives. Sirius, James, and Marlene bantered about Quidditch while I stood there, sometimes chiming in. It was something I'd watch with enthusiasm, but my life didn't revolve around the sodding game.

The train whistle blew a ten minute warning, and the parents sent our trunks down to get loaded up.

"Wonder where Lily is?" I muttered.

"And Dorcas," James added, shooting a meaningful look at Marlene.

Mar blushed a bright red and averted her eyes.

"What's this?" I asked, my interest piqued.

"She and Ms. Meadowes owe James a bit of information," Sirius told me.

I frowned at Mar. "What kind of information?"

"Nothing," she mumbled.

"_There_ you all are. Come on! I've been waiting on the train for at least five minutes," Lily said, bursting into our little gathering. Her red hair was disheveled around her face, but her uniform looked impeccable. "Remus is already there as well," Lily told James and Sirius before she flounced off again.

"Well," I said.

We all said goodbye to our respective parties.

"Goodbye, Celestria," I said, and hugged my aunt.

"Have a good term. I'll try to pop up during a Hogsmeade weekend, shall I?" She told me, her eyes twinkling.

"As long as you buy me a butterbeer."

She waved as I walked away. Then she turned on her heel and was gone. We found Lily by the compartment door, tapping her foot impatiently. Her hair had been plaited.

"Honestly it's like you all like to move at slug-pace," she grumbled.

"Aren't we antsy?" Sirius said to me in an undertone.

I shook my head at him.

"What's got your panties in a knot, Lils?" I asked as I passed her.

"Petunia." Her face darkened.

"Your sister?" Remus asked from his place on the bench.

She nodded in reply, her cheeks flaming. "She drove me here today; didn't say a word until we had lifted my trunk out of the boot. Then she told me that her friend's mother was going to invite mum and her to their house for Christmas and I shouldn't even bother coming home at all."

"Who?" I asked, curious.

"Some sodding Dursley or other. I don't really care, do I." She sniffed.

"I'm sure your mother won't stand for it, Lily. She just wanted to get under your skin," Dorcas' voice floated out from behind us.

A bright red bandanna, tied at the ends, sat in her dark curly hair. Her hands rested on her plump hips.

"She's right Lily," I said. Marlene nodded in agreement.

"Well," she sighed, "Anyway, we're across the hall here. You boys don't make any trouble or I'll rip your precious hair right off your heads."

"It'll just grow back, Evans," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Mmm. Yes, but I think it'd be a lot better growing in bright pink."

He looked at her, interested. "You're starting to sound more like James now. You sure you're alright?"

"For Heaven's sake, I do have a sense of humour, Black."

He started laughing, and Lily huffed and entered our compartment. The boys disappeared at the insistence of Pete, and we filed in after Lily.

* * *

**James liked to know where he stood with people. Trust was important to him.**

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
James Potter

* * *

I stuck my head out of the compartment door and looked up and down the hallway. Nobody was walking around, and Remus had left with Lily five minutes ago to attend their prefect meeting. I stepped out quickly and rapped on the glass of the door opposite.

"It's open," Marlene's voice said from inside.

I slid open the door and stepped into their compartment. Sirius followed me, pushing his way past. I had told the git to leave it alone, but he just loved to stick his nose into my personal life. Pete had gone to find the sweets trolley.

Dorcas looked up from the Quibbler and groaned.

"What do you want, Potter?" Mar asked from her seat, not taking her eyes off of the book she was reading.

I crossed my arms as Sirius lounged next to her.

"I believe you owe me a bit of _information_," I said, looking sternly at both of them.

Mar rolled her eyes and turned the page. Dorcas giggled and didn't say a word. Gen simply propped her legs up on Padfoot's, digging in her heels on his thighs.

I tapped my foot.

"Just give the poor man what he's after," Sirius pleaded, giving them one of his pouting looks.

"Toss off, Black. We don't know what you're talking about," Dorcas said imperiously.

"I for one have no bloody idea," Gen grumbled, giving Sirius a look.

He raised his arms in a gesture to ward her off.

"Please?" I tried.

Mar pursed her lips and shook her head.

"A girls loyalty is to her own."

Sirius scoffed.

I ran a hand through my hair. Gen looked at it disapprovingly, but I didn't mind.

"Look, for years it's been Lily rejecting me. _She's_ the one who's caused heart break around here," I stated matter-of-factly.

Gen raised an eyebrow. "You were talking about _that_, were you?"

Mar wriggled uncomfortably in her seat.

I looked between the three girls, wondering what in sodding hell was going on.

Sirius tickled Gen's feet. "Out with it."

She pulled her legs back and glared. Then she looked toward me and patted the bench to her left.

"Sit," she told me.

I slid onto the bench and looked at her expectantly. She pursed her lips together and grinned.

"I just thought you'd be more comfortable sitting down," she said, a devilish gleam in her eye.

I groaned and let my head fall back against the wall. Sirius barked in laughter. I rubbed a hand over my face and got up to leave.

"Alright, if you won't tell me then that's fine. But just know this – you better watch your backs," I threatened as I backed toward the door.

Suddenly I heard the handle click and the door slide open behind me.

"I – what's going on in here?"

I turned to face the owner of that ever-familiar voice. Lily's emerald eyes caught mine, her fiery red hair pulled back into a plait. Remus stood beside her, grinning at me.

"We were just leaving." I motioned to Padfoot frantically.

Lily was already in a foul mood thanks to her sister. I didn't want to aggravate it more. Padfoot patted her shoulder as he slid by her.

"And I'm off to go see a particularly fit Hufflepuff," he winked and backed down the corridor.

Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. I looked at Remus instead of noticing the motion.

"What about you, then?" Her lips pursed as she regarded me.

Those soft pink lips puckered into the perfect position; I could just lean over and put my own on hers. They were the sweetest color, like one of those heart-shaped candies you could buy at Honeydukes in Hogsmeade…

I shook myself out of the train of thought and stuck my hands into my pockets.

"I'd rather not join in on his fun," I replied cheekily.

I could have smacked myself. What sort of a stupid remark was that? Certainly not the right one if I wanted to have any fun with _her_. As I predicted, her copper eyebrows came together in a disapproving manner. Her frown creased her forehead as she looked at me.

Sometimes my mind really did have a mind of its own. It was an idiot.

But all I could do now was smirk at her in what I hoped was a carefree joking attitude and hope for the best.

Suddenly Lily shook herself and rolled her eyes.

"Well, you boys should get going. I think Peter should have a little intervention. He about bought half the sweet trolley," she said quickly.

"See you later Lily," Remus said.

"See you around," I said as I stepped past her.

Her eyes held mine for a split second as we traded spots. Then she dropped her gaze and reached for the door handle, and I could have sworn I saw a tinge of pink along her cheeks.

* * *

**Lily didn't often admit it, but she wondered what it would be like to break the rules. She craved adventure. **

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Lily Evans

* * *

I felt heat flood my cheeks. They were probably bright red by now. I tried to stop the reaction by thinking about a particularly tricky transfiguration spell; anything to keep my mind off James Potter. He had been so knowing, standing there and grinning at me after his not-so-subtle hint at…whatever Sirius was up to. I had instantly wondered what it would be like, and had instantly regretted thinking it. His lips had stretched into that smile, and his eyes had had that _look_ about them.

James Potter was certainly fun to look at. He was fit, he had warm brown eyes, that windswept dark hair, and that alluring smile.

But he was a pain in my side; never conforming to any rules, running around the castle at all hours causing trouble. I had had to fill out my fair share of paperwork reporting the things that boy and his friends had done throughout the years.

I sighed and fiddled with the lock to give my skin more time to return to normal. James was caring, James was righteous, but he was also hard-headed and thoughtless. He didn't care about consequences; he just did what he felt like.

And yet he always managed to land at the top of the class, competing with Remus actually, more often than not. He never seemed to do a lick of work; it was as if everything came easily to him. I huffed, finally turning and sitting down beside Gen.

"Something wrong?" She asked.

I tossed my plait over my shoulder.

"They just need to grow up is all," I said irately.

Gen's blonde eyebrows rose and she traded a look with Dor. I pretended not to notice and smoothed out my skirt. Mar hadn't looked up from her book at all. I peered at the title and snorted.

"_Quidditch Throughout the Ages_? Isn't there anything else the quidditch teams read?" I said into the silence.

"It's a good read, Lily." Her automatic response.

I frowned and crossed my arms. This sudden heat and embarrassment had me itching to get into a good fight, and unfortunately the boy I usually took my emotions out on had left.

"It's a boring dialog of how they added or removed twigs from the ends of brooms," I stated stubbornly.

"It's a fascinating marking of technological advance," she replied.

The response was something James would have said, and I pictured his face, his eyes laughing at me with some superior knowledge, his mouth smirking, knowing that he was backing me into a corner with his know-it-all remarks. It made me panic, and I scrambled to find something to throw back at the image in my head.

"Advances that a brain-addled hippogriff could have made," I said before my brain could filter my thought.

Marlene's eyes narrowed and darkened.

"Well I'm sorry for liking something so stupid," she spat.

"Marlene, no, that's not what I…" My eyes widened as I realized there had been more venom in my voice than I had intended.

She stood quickly and gripped the book tightly in one hand.

"You know, maybe you should try reading it before slaying anyone who holds the damn thing," she said hotly before exiting and slamming the door behind her.

I inhaled and bit my lip. I hadn't meant to lash out at Marlene. Potter would have come back with some barmy reply, not taking any offense. But Marlene was my friend. She didn't deserve it. And really I had nothing against quidditch, I just wasn't keen on flying.

Gen sighed and stood. She patted my head as she passed, and then the door slid open and shut as she went after Mar.

I felt horrible. I sulked in my chair, sliding down until my chin rested on my chest and my bum was hanging off the bench.

"I hadn't meant it," I grumbled, and kicked the wood paneling across from me.

"It'll work out," Dor said quickly. She was always hurrying us to 'move on' from disagreements.

I muttered something unintelligible and scowled.

This was all Potter's fault.

* * *

_Author's note: Thanks for being so patient, loves. I'd love to read some review on what you think!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Sirius hated having people tell him what to do. That's why he kept girls at arm's length; and he liked it that way.**

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Sirius Black

* * *

Bloody _hell_. I had missed the girls at Hogwarts.

I grinned down into Jane's eyes. Or was it Lisa's? Frankly I didn't care. She rubbed her hand along the crotch of my jeans remarkably well.

"Let's see how you can handle yourself in real action," I growled in her ear.

She giggled and eagerly wiggled out of her button down, revealing a bust that nearly spilled out of the lacy confines of her bra. I made a satisfied noise as she dropped the shirt on the counter behind her. We were crammed into one of the loos. It was spacious enough for one person, but for two it was…cozy.

My hands worked their way around her waist as I my tongue danced around hers. I deftly hooked my fingers around the clasp of her bra and drew it forward to slip it off her arms. I trailed my lips down in open-mouth kisses, swirling my tongue on her cool, scented skin. She moaned as I hit her collarbone. I smirked, my teeth touching her skin slightly at the motion. My hands were kneading her rack, and _Merlin_ did she feel good. My thumbs brushed over her nipples, softly at first, and then harder. She gasped at the roughness, and her nipples hardened.

"Oh, Sirius," she moaned.

I bit gently on her neck before kissing her roughly again. Her chest pushed into my bare skin and I relished the feeling. My jeans felt uncomfortably tight, and I bucked my hips up to hers. Wordlessly she reached down and tugged at my belt. I quickly unfastened it and she unhooked the button and pulled down my zipper, along with my jeans, in one swift motion. She fingered me through my briefs, and I groaned quietly. She quickly pulled down the thin cotton and gripped me.

She slid down until she was kneeling in front of me, and I felt her hot breath. Silky warm wetness closed around my shaft and I leaned my head back against the wall. Her tongue rolled over my skin expertly, and she periodically hallowed out her cheeks until I was blissfully unaware of our surroundings. Her fingers worked at my base and the surrounding skin. I bucked. She matched my motion and worked a little faster, her tongue trailing under and over, circling, up, down, back again. My hand tangled in her hair and demanded her to follow its movements.

"I'm close," I managed to work out between my teeth.

Her lips tightened around me, instead of leaving like I had expected they would. I grunted and dug my fingers into her scalp. Then it was over. My hand relaxed and she pulled away. I looked down to see a devilish look in her eyes as she swallowed.

Loud banging made us both jump.

"Everything all right in there?" someone called.

"In a minute," I replied.

Jane frowned and began to pull on her clothes.

"What about me?" she whined as she buttoned up her blouse.

I chuckled and smiled.

"We'll get to you eventually."

Not bloody likely, but she didn't need to know.

She smiled and winked before sliding open the loo door.

"I'll be expecting you," she called, and then giggled down the hall.

I grinned and waggled my fingers. I was never one for promises. I turned to the person who'd interrupted our little romp.

Gen leaned against the wall a foot away, one of her perfectly arched golden eyebrows raised. She folded her arms and cleared her throat.

"Have fun, then?"

My eyes met hers and saw that her gaze was directed at my nether regions. I looked down at my open zipper.

"Loads." I grinned at her as I fixed it.

She rolled her eyes at me.

"So why did you interrupt us?" I asked, matching her pose and leaning against the wall.

"I was actually looking for Marlene. I thought she'd stormed to the loos, but she was in the stall next to yours."

I nodded my head like I cared.

"So…" her eyes left mine and trained themselves on something behind my head.

"So what?" I asked, tweaking her nose.

She swatted me away and frowned at me.

"Can't you control yourself for two minutes, Black?"

"Can't a boy have bit of fun?" I replied.

Her jaw set and she rolled her eyes. I had a feeling a sermon was coming, and I wasn't in the mood.

"Look, I…" I tried.

"She probably thinks you're going to come serenading her tonight. It's one thing to be a rake, but to be a rake that makes empty promises…" she shook her head.

"There's nothing wrong with it," I snapped.

"Oh, c'mon Black, what's so horrid about a committed relationship?" She tapped her fingers along the train wall.

I scoffed and twirled my wand between my fingers. "Birds always try to tie a man down and clip his wings. This way I get what I need without having to deal with something I don't want."

"You can't really hate monogamy that much."

Her blue eyes sought mine out. I crossed my arms and scowled.

"Birds just try to kill a man's freedom," I grumbled.

"No, they don't." She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration, something I'd seen James do a million times before when arguing with me.

I snorted. "Yes you do! You expect one man to limit himself to one bird and be fine with it."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. Except then the bird wants to tell the bloke how he should act, what he should wear, when they'll be going out…" I shook my head. "It's bloody ridiculous."

She sighed at me.

"All birds are like that. No exceptions." I said stubbornly.

"You're wrong."

I laughed at the notion. "Really? Show me one bird who isn't."

She twirled around in the narrow hallway. "Me."

She was barmy. She was completely 'round the bend.

"Liar," I said, stowing my wand.

She paused with her hands on her hips. "I can prove it to you."

"How?"

I didn't believe any of this nonsense for a minute. Birds always thought they knew better and in the end they just ate their words.

"We'll make a bet. If I can get myself a bloke and prove to you that I don't want him to be my _pet_, then you'll pay me fifty galleons."

I scoffed. "Yeah like in a week? That's not long enough."

"Fine. When, then?" she rolled her eyes.

I thought about it. It would have to be enough time for them to be in a relationship but not enough time for them to be completely…_familiar_.

"Winter ball," I said aloud.

"Until winter ball," she said firmly.

Her blue eyes seared into mine. I lifted an eyebrow.

"You sure you want to play this game?" I asked her.

She nodded.

"Fine. Once you start cracking your whip, I win." I grinned at her.

She shook her head. "Terms?"

I chuckled and leaned forward, grinning deviously.

"Then we'll see how you do it my way."

Her mouth popped open slightly in shock, but she only glared and stuck her hand out before I could make a snarky remark about it.

"Deal," she said firmly.

"Deal," I responded, grinning while I shook her hand.

She stalked off down the hall. I patted myself on the back.

This was going to be good.

* * *

**Lily loved being at Hogwarts. It always managed to seem more like home than anywhere else in the world.**

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Lily Evans

* * *

I laughed as I watched Marlene and Samantha drape a banner across their beds.

'Welcome home rakes!' The banner stated in glittering gold.

"Lily!" Mary screamed, and launched herself from the doorway to where I stood.

My arms wrapped around the petite body of the brunette and we both landed on my bed.

"I have missed you so much!" She said, and struggled to sit up.

I patted my hair down and laughed. "Mary, it's only been a summer."

"A summer too long." She placed her hand on my arm. "I'm terribly sorry about your father, Lily."

Her brown eyes filled with sympathy and she bit her lip before embracing me again. I blinked back tears and patted her back.

"Thank you."

"This is not a night to be sad!" Samantha admonished, and raised a glass of champagne.

Mary squealed and bounced to get her own flute.

"Plastic, classy," Marlene said dryly as she handed me a glass.

I had thankfully caught up with her on the platform and profusely apologized all through dinner. She had grudgingly accepted it once I had blurted out some incoherent excuses about not being in my right mind. Thank God she hadn't held a grudge. Being on the receiving end of Mar's wrath wasn't pretty.

"Thanks," I told her.

"You know, we're _all_ not rakes, here," a voice said from the doorway.

We turned to see Freesia Flagstaff standing in the doorway, one slim hand on her slim waist. Her black hair hung freely down her back and a gold shawl rested around her shoulders.

Mary snorted. "Said the biggest rake of them all," she said.

Freesia dropped her pose and grinned wickedly. "Well, someone has to lead the way. Let's party, girls!"

She flung both her hands up and her shawl fluttered down to reveal a shocking red bustier.

"Oh please! Put some clothes on before I sear my eyes out," Sam cried, dropping her flute and covering her eyes.

"Where'd you get _that_?" Mary asked, inspecting the swirling gold design on the bodice. She wanted to be a fashion designer for witches.

"Venice," Freesia replied.

Sam busied herself with switching the records.

I bent down and pulled out my jumpers, arranging them in the shared chest of drawers we had.

"Oh, Lils. Who can unpack while listening to _this_?" Freesia said dreamily, lounging back on her bed and listening to Paul McCartney croon. She had thankfully pulled on a sweater.

"Do you even know who you're listening to?" I asked, smirking.

She shook her head. "No, but does it _matter_? He's positively dreamy."

"Are you all going to the Marauder bash tonight?" Mary asked loudly, popping her chewing gum.

"Don't I always," Freesia asked, raising an eyebrow wickedly.

"I've got to rest up for Quidditch practice," Marlene said.

"It's not till next week!" Mary exclaimed.

Mar shrugged and flipped through her Quidditch magazine.

"Well I'm going. Can't resist a little fun," Sam declared, grinning.

"What about you, Lily? You and Potter are mates now, aren't you?" Sam asked me.

I smoothed my hair back and set my wristwatch on the side table.

"I suppose. But I'm not going to their party. I really shouldn't allow it to happen in the first place," I said, frowning.

"Every year you threaten to shut them down, but it never happens. Admit it, it's a Hogwarts tradition," Mary declared, and bounced on her bed.

I laughed and sat down on the edge of mine. "You're right. But I think I'll catch an early night."

They pouted.

"Being a prefect has made you old," Freesia said, exasperated.

I shrugged. "My soul is old, my body is young. Oh, _what's_ a girl to do?"

They all catcalled and started getting ready. Hairspray clouded the air and skirts were cut short. I was afraid one of them would trip over the stilts they placed on their feet. Finally the girls were teased, squeezed and scrubbed to perfection. I feared for their safety, or ours. With all the hairspray in the air it was a surprise that the flames didn't ignite it.

"You sure you won't come, girls?" Freesia asked, looking with concern at our limp bodies on the beds.

"I'm sure," I said hastily.

Mar only waved her hand in dismissal.

"Have fun rakes!" I yelled as they exited.

Someone threw a brush at me. I stuck my tongue out and pulled my curtains shut.

They shut the door. I peeked around the edge of my curtain to find Mar still reading her material.

"Why aren't you going?" I asked as I made my way to the washroom. She always went.

"I've had it with those boys for a day," she said, stretching out.

I frowned at her while I brushed my teeth.

"I thought you liked them. And you usually go to their monthly shenanigans," I said after I'd rinsed.

She rolled her eyes. "There's only so much of them a girl can take after a while."

"Are you feeling alright? Did one of them say something?" I sat on her bed, concerned.

She looked at me and sighed. "Are _you_ feeling alright, Lils? For years you've hated them, Potter in particular, and now suddenly you're mates?"

I fiddled with the end of my nightshirt, not being able to meet her eye. I had struggled with it for the longest time. Potter _had_ gotten on my nerves for years, had made me cry, had picked on my best friend. He'd been a pain and a smartass for most of our Hogwarts career. But lately he'd been…different. He'd been concerned, protective, and most of all _reliable_. He had been there for me when Sev hadn't, and that I admired more than anything. Sure, he could still be silly and inappropriate, but I supposed that just came with the pot. Maybe I had become too uptight over the years being a prefect. It had been a lot of pressure, especially during our younger years.

I shrugged.

"He's changed, or maybe I just didn't give a chance before. Anyway, he's been there for me…especially since my dad. Well. I don't know. He's not so bad." I trailed off, picking at the comforter.

"Hmmm," Mar said, and flipped the page.

"You're the one who's always told me to lighten up. What's the problem?" I asked.

"Nothing. I was just wondering what caused the change in heart."

"He still has his prat-ish moments. It's just now he's told me…"

"Told you what?" She asked suddenly, glancing up at me.

"He likes justice," I snapped. "He can't stand anyone lording over people. That's why he liked to turn the tables every so often."

She took in my waspish attitude and nodded.

"Seems fair."

I sighed and wandered back to my own bed. This whole tentative friendship with the Marauders did seem rather sudden and odd. But James had been there for me. He had opened my eyes to what was really happening in the world.

I groaned as I leaned back against my pillows.

"Alright Lily?" Mar asked.

"Just lovely, thanks." I grumbled. "Goodnight."

She chuckled. "Good night, Lily."

Hmph.

* * *

**Imogen hated riddles. She hated wasted time.**

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Imogen Blackwell

* * *

"Fairie wings," I stated, irate.

"Try again," the stupid sphinx on the door told me.

"Fairie lights," I said.

She shook her miniature head. I wanted to bash it in with books. It had only been three weeks into term and already I was getting fed up with answering a bloody riddle every time I had to rush back to the common room.

"Fairie treacle," A voice said behind me.

The sphinx swished her tail and the door swung open. I turned to see the chiseled face of my fellow housemate .

"Thanks Joshua," I told him as I stepped through the portal into Ravenclaw tower.

"No problem. Luckily she had asked me the same one last week," he said, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Yeah, well, it's a bother answering them when all you forgot was some extra parchment," I huffed as we wound up the stairs to the dormitories.

He chuckled. We got the landing where the pathway split.

"See you," I said as I pushed at the heavy door.

"Catch you in Transfiguration," he replied.

I smiled to myself as I rushed back to my room to grab the parchment. Joshua Pendragon; related to that ancient pureblood house of Arthur. He looked it too. He had what Lily called a 'rugby player's build'(whatever that meant) – well muscled, broad shouldered, completely filled out, trim. He had the classic baby blue eyes and toffee coloured hair that his ancestor was well known for.

And really, I mean, he was pretty easy on the eyes. It was no wonder the fierce Lady of the Lake had fallen for his family's founder.

I shook my head as I walked down the halls to my extra Charms class. It hadn't been in the Forensics track, but I had genuinely liked Professor Flitwick. Plus, Lily had this class.

"Just in time," the redhead muttered as I slid into the seat beside her.

This class was required for students hoping to be Aurors. As a result James, Peter, and Sirius were also in this class. They were sitting a few rows behind, and apparently had already charmed someone's chair into hovering. The poor girl kept shrieking until Professor Flitwick stopped to see what was going on.

"I think I'm going to kill them," Lily said, fixing them with a glare.

James ruffled his hair and sent her an imploring look. He gestured to Sirius, who was balancing on the back two legs of his chair and smirking. Peter snickered into his robe, his face tinged with pink. Lily turned her glare to the latter two culprits, but they took no notice.

"Honestly," she hissed, gesturing to James to do something.

Poor Professor Flitwick had somehow grabbed a hold of the chair and couldn't get back off. Students began to laugh as he tried various spells that seemed to have no effect.

James shrugged. I rolled my eyes and turned in my chair. With a swift flick I sent Sirius toppling over and managed to start a mustache growing on Pete. The movement broke the continuous concentration needed for the spell and the chair settled itself roughly. Professor Flitwick stepped off the back gratefully as the girl patted at her hair, relieved. The students cheered as Flitwick made his way back to the center of the room. When Sirius straightened back up he had a three foot long bristling black beard, which continued to grow. Pete's mustache had shaped itself into two enormous curls. The students at surrounding tables burst into laughter once more.

Lily gave me a look, but the corner of her mouth crept up into a semblance of a smile.

"Oh! Oh dear. Boys stop that. Get rid of that hair!" Flitwick said, his own facial hair trembling.

Peter tried desperately, waving his wand this way and that. He only succeeded in turning it bright green. James choked on his laughter before helping him. Sirius merely waved his wand and his beard shortened in length. It stayed that way, not growing one inch out of place. Flitwick huffed and continued with the lesson.

"Did you really have to?" Lily hissed at me.

I shrugged. I finished with my charm and glanced around the room. Severus Snape sat across the amphitheater in one of the middle rows, working with one of his housemates. I frowned. Hopefully Lily hadn't notice him.

"We should probably sit somewhere else next time," She muttered, concentrating on working her charm for the third time.

I groaned inwardly.

"Most assuredly," I replied, trying to keep the tone light.

I wanted to wring that little git's neck.

After the lesson we had a break for lunch. Lily and I walked along together in the midst of the crush of students. Suddenly I saw Sirius spring up onto the narrow ledge along the wall.

"Ah! There she is!" He cried, pointing in our direction. His short beard made him look ridiculous, like an underfed lumberjack.

He jumped off and came our way, pushing students out of his way.

"I want to thank you, dear Gen, for giving me such a theatrical appearance," he about bellowed, sweeping a bow.

"I think it suits you rather well, Black," I said dryly.

Lily giggled into her palm. Remus rolled his eyes from behind Sirius. Peter and James were lounging by the Great Hall doors, waiting.

"Already telling me how I should look dear?" He fixed me with an amused look.

I scowled. "Fuck off."

Lily looked surprised at our exchange. As Black went skipping down the hallway she pulled me to the side of the hall.

"What was that?" She asked me, green eyes wide.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said quickly.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive, Lily. Look, I promised to meet Joshua for lunch. I'll see you around?" I told her.

She nodded, still looking doubtful. We parted ways and I went to sit at the Ravenclaw table.

"Joshua!" I called, waving to get his attention.

His face split into a grin when he saw me, and moved his book bag to the ground so I could sit by his side. Bless him.

"How was Charms?" he asked, as if we had lunch every day.

"How did you know I had Charms?" I asked, completely floored.

He shrugged. "Only Charms and Care of Magical Creatures meet at ten, and I figured you'd had enough of mandrakes from our class in year three."

I gaped at him. He laughed at my expression.

"We _are_ Ravenclaws, Imogen." He bit into his sandwich.

"Gen," I corrected him, beginning to pile food onto my plate.

"What?" He asked after swallowing.

"My mates call me Gen." I smiled at him.

He grinned back. "Alright. Gen."

I glanced back to find Lily for half a moment. I waved at her and Mar and began to turn back. As I did I caught Sirius, beardless, frowning in my direction. I pretended not to notice and went back to talking with Joshua. My heart was hammering and I had no idea why.

We finished our lunch and got ready to go to Transfiguration.

"I'll be there in a moment. I just have too…" I gestured at the loo.

He nodded and continued walking. "I'll save you a seat!" He called back to me.

I ran cold water on a cloth and held it against my cheek and neck for a moment. I had no idea where the sudden panic attack had come from. I twisted my hair into a more flattering look and continued on to class.

Joshua Pendragon was saving a seat for me.

I giggled in glee and quickened my pace down the hall.

* * *

**Lily loved learning at Hogwarts. It was something she naturally did well.**

Date: September 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Lily Evans

* * *

I sat in the front row of the Potions classroom, mindlessly adjusting the stack of books in front of me. Gen had seemed distracted at lunch today, and the way she had snapped at Sirius had been a bit more forceful than their usual banter. Something was off, but she had fled to the Ravenclaw table before I had had a chance to ask her more.

I sighed and flipped open my Potions book to where I had left off reading last night. Professor Slughorn hadn't arrived yet, but I wanted to ask him about a particularly complex part in the potion we had.

The chair beside me slid back and someone settled into it, and I caught a whiff of familiar cologne. Lord knows I'd smelled it enough recently to instantly recognize who it belonged to.

"Alright, Evans?"

"Just what was that stunt in Charms class, Potter?" I asked, not looking away from my book.

"Sirius thought it might be a good start back to term." He propped his feet up on the desk.

"We've been in term almost a month."

He chuckled and didn't reply.

A couple of minutes passed by, me reading and re-reading the paragraph, and James content to just sit there with his feet propped up.

"Why are you here?" I finally asked, after I realized I had been reading the same word for the past twenty seconds.

"I have Potions class," he replied.

"Ha-ha. I meant, 'What are you doing here so early'."

"Then why didn't you say that?" His voice was teasing.

I breathed out heavily through my nose and turned to look at him. The light through the narrow slits at the top of the stone walls filtered in and hit the side of his face, making his eyelashes turn a golden sort of brown. They were incredibly long. I took in his smirk and rolled my eyes.

"Bloody tosser is what you are. You know what I meant," I grumbled.

"I didn't have anything else to do." He shrugged.

I pursed my lips in disbelief. He took that in and his smirk grew into a grin.

"Oh Evans, it pains me to know you doubt me even now that we're friends."

"Friends? Whatever gave you that impression?" One of my eyebrows rose as I grinned.

He rolled his eyes and glanced to the back of the room. I looked around and was surprised to see that people had slowly been filling in. Remus and Sirius had camped out at the back of the class. James stood quickly, I caught the movement in my peripheral vision.

"I guess I'll catch you around, Lily," He said smoothly.

"Right," I said, starting to turn back to him.

Just at that moment Severus Snape stepped into my line of vision. He stood in the doorway and paused, waiting for someone to catch up. His gaze held mine and I felt my cheeks start to burn.

"James?" I said quickly, and my hand was suddenly on his sleeve, tugging him back down into the chair. "Maybe you could sit here just a bit longer?" I turned to find him already sinking back into the seat next to mine.

"If the Lady insists," he said, laughing. But there was something like fire in his eyes.

"Okay, I insist. Good," I said nervously, smoothing out my skirt.

"Lily," he said. "Lily," he said again, when I hadn't looked up.

"I don't want to hear any nonsense about me wanting you, Potter," I said harshly in a whisper.

"I didn't want to say anything snide like that," he replied back.

My eyes darted to where he placed his fingers on my sleeve. I finally took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes.

"He's changed, Lily. But I'm right here. I won't leave you."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, James," I said quietly.

He didn't blink. His hand slid down to mine and he leaned closer. "I never make promises I can't keep."

His hazel eyes smoldered behind his spectacles, although maybe I was imaging that. My lips felt dry suddenly and I licked them quickly, nervously.

"You seem so sure," I managed to say.

He just smiled and squeezed my balled-up fist before crossing his arms over his chest. I fiddled with the binding of my book, waiting for Sev to pick a seat.

"So how are your classes going?" I asked him, feeling like I should make some sort of small-talk.

"Fine. Not liking Potions so much so far, though," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh. Well at least you like your other classes?"

He nodded and I smiled a little.

"How are yours?" he asked in return.

I shrugged and turned my quill over in my fingers. Sev was advancing down the center aisle between the rows of desks, on my right.

"Fantastic, actually. I'm really enjoying being back," I told him.

"Are you?" He asked me.

"I am. Truly," I swiveled in my seat to look him in the eye.

"Good," He replied, smiling.

I smiled back on reflex.

A jolt from my chair sent me flying forward into the desk. I caught myself roughly with my arms. James was on his feet in half a tick. I whipped around to see who had kicked my chair. A greasy looking Slytherin walked by, glaring at me. Snivellus walked right along behind him with two others, avoiding my gaze.

"Filthy mudblood skank," one of them muttered.

James growled and drew his wand, setting it with deadly aim at the knot of Slytherins giggling and sliding into their chairs.

"Bombar-" James started.

I grabbed his wand arm and ripped the wood from his hand.

"Don't," I told him.

"Why not? Lily! He just…"

"I know what he said James, I heard him," I said calmly, but my hands were shaking.

"One small explosion," he muttered, glaring at them across the aisle.

I tucked his wand into my robes, next to mine. Just then Professor Slughorn walked in, and I roughly yanked James back down into his seat.

* * *

_Author's Note: I'd like to thank you all for being so patient! Reviews would absolutely make my week. It's been a bit stressful lately in the real world._


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Thank you for being patient! R&R 3

* * *

**James liked settling the score. Letting things go unnoticed didn't work for him.**

Date: October 1976  
Year 6, first term  
James Potter

* * *

I was seething. Slughorn was talking but I couldn't hear him over the pounding of blood in my ears. Lily sat beside me, diligently taking notes, but her hands were shaking and her fingers gripped the quill a little too tightly. Her color was high, even if she was trying to hide it by bending over her parchment.

Those good-for-nothing snakes had deserved a little explosion. I would've just singed their hair off…and their robes.

I folded my arms on the desk and leaned on them, scowling. And Lily had my wand. Ah well, I didn't need it. I could probably take two of them on in a fight, easy.

They also happened to be ruining the first time Lily had ever willingly wanted me to sit beside her in a class. Blimey she had even asked. Sure, it was because of that slimy git-faced traitor, but she had asked me to stay.

I slid my eyes her way and found her eyes darting back down to the parchment.

"James could you please stop tapping your foot?" She muttered.

"I'm not tapping," I said moodily.

"Your leg is jostling," she countered.

I sighed and sat back, running my fingers through my hair while stretching my legs out in front of me.

"Thank you," she sighed, her quill never stopping.

"You're welcome."

I toyed with her potions book, flipping to find what we were going to work on today. I had already read the book twice over. But there was something about today's lesson that was tricky.

"James, please," she said again

"Yes, Lily," I answered, still flipping pages while I peered at her.

"Can you please stop being so restless?"

"I would be fine if you had just let me singe the hair from their heads."

"James, violence doesn't solve anything," she hissed.

She set her cauldron the table and grabbed the book from my hands. I blinked and looked around.

"We're brewing already?" I asked.

"Yes. Where have you been?" She asked as she looked over the ingredients.

"Thinking of ways to make their deaths look like a series of unfortunate accidents."

She snorted, and I went to go get the ingredients.

"What happened? I was all ready for a go when Sluggy came in," Sirius muttered as we picked out vials from the back shelves.

"Yeah, well, Lily's got my wand."

"Amazing that she didn't bite your head off yet, mate," he winked and slipped a particularly small vial into his front robe pocket.

I shook my head. "They keep calling her that name. It makes me mental. All I wanted to do was blast them around a bit."

"Completely reasonable," Sirius agreed, nodding.

"And by the way mate, you grabbed the tephla venom, not liquid luck," I told him before heading back to Lily.

I heard him cursing as I walked away, and a clatter as he spilt all the phials back onto the shelves.

"Thank you," Lily said as she arranged the phials on the desk.

"Lily, just hand me my wand."

"No," her lips pursed.

"Please, Lily, just for a second," I whined.

"Could you please just help me with this potion? It has a tricky bit."

Her red hair fell forward toward the cauldron and I caught the end of the plait. I ran the strands through my fingers before placing it back over her shoulder.

"Thanks," she muttered, and I was thrilled to notice that her cheeks were pink.

"You're welcome. Wouldn't want _your_ pretty hair singed off," I said, and leaned over the cauldron with her.

"Very funny," she said.

Her green eyes flicked up to mine.

"Just one little explosion…"I muttered.

"Potter!" she snapped, and she looked down to the boiling liquid.

"I don't know why you're upset with me," I reasoned as I added an ingredient. "He's the one who…"

She exhaled through her nose, this short little burst of angry air, and I shut up.

"Do you…need a break?" I asked with sudden insight.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes never leaving the instructions.

"Go on, I'll continue this."

She put the book down with relief and sped out of the classroom.

I glared across the room at the knot of Slytherins. They were going to pay.

* * *

**Lily was sick of crying. She hated feeling helpless.**

Date: October 1976  
Year 6, first term  
Lily Evans

* * *

I walked quickly out the classroom and into the dimly lit hall. I put a hand up to my forehead and quickened my pace. Slughorn wouldn't miss me, and even if he noticed I was gone he wouldn't worry. Everyone knew he played favorites. Besides, I was sure James wouldn't botch up our potion…about seventy percent anyway.

A deep pain radiated out from my heart. My eyes stung. I blinked them furiously, determined not to cry. For Merlin's sake I've cried enough! Those stupid boys didn't deserve my tears.

I breathed deeply, climbing the stairs to the subfloor. I entered the girls loo and stood over a sink. Dry sobs escaped my throat, and I choked on the inrush of air.

Closing my eyes I undid my plait, letting my hair fall around my shoulders. I ran my fingers along my scalp, trying to dispel the tension. This was ridiculous, to have them affect me this much. It hurt being bullied and called names, but it was pointless to run from it all the time. It added no benefit to my life, especially since I had much bigger issues to resolve.

My fingers fell from my scalp and I stared hard at myself in the mirror. I brushed the few tears from my cheeks and stamped my foot.

"No more crying, Lily Evans."

My bottom lip trembled and I bit it, _hard_.

"No more crying! If they hurt you I want to see you do something about it!" I snapped at myself.

A fire came into my eyes and I tried to hold it there.

"You will make it through this, Lily. But you have to take a stand. What's done is done and there's no going back," I said, and then sighed.

I hated fighting for myself. It was so much easier to bite when I was protecting someone else. It seemed precocious to do the same in my own defense.

But it had to be done.

I couldn't let people walk all over me when there were so many other things to worry about. Stupid school children shouldn't be holding me back.

Outside students were beginning to move around. I had been gone the entire last half of the period. I shook myself and ran out the door and back toward the dungeons. Students were only just beginning to leave the classroom. I sped forward, but a hand on my robe stopped me.

I looked up to see Sev standing there, his black eyes familiar. Friendly, even.

"Lily," Snape said, pulling me to the side of the corridor.

I yanked out of his touch and stepped away from him.

"What?" I asked, slightly out of breath.

"Lily, I – I'm sorry, about what happened."

"Save it Sev," I said. "I don't want to hear any false apologies."

He opened his mouth and closed it again. He'd grown; I realized that he was a good four inches taller than me. His black hair hung in strands to his shoulders, like he hadn't had time to care for it.

"They're not false, Lily. I really feel bad about –"

"Oh, stop it. If you really cared you would have been my friend, Sev. You would have defended me and stuck by my side. So just run along to your playmates and leave me alone."

I tried to move past him but he grabbed my arm again.

"Lily –"

"Don't touch me." I glared at his hand on my arm.

"Listen to me!"

My blood was pounding in my ears. I looked up into his face and saw a person I'd never seen before. His face was hard and his eyes glittered with…what? Dominance? Anger? I couldn't tell, but it made me mad.

"Let me go!" I screamed into his face.

He dropped my arm, startled.

"Don't _ever_ talk to me again, don't _look_ at me, don't come near me, and _don't call me Lily_. You two faced traitor! I _hate_ you!" I yelled as I advanced, wand out.

He backed up hastily and pulled his wand out, but it was slack, hesitant.

My hair fell into my face and I swiped it away, irate. He thought he could be nice and friendly after how much he had hurt me? He had another thing coming.

"Lily," a voice said behind me.

An arm came to rest on my own. Rough fingers closed around my wand hand and tugged.

My gaze never left Sev's. I saw the shift in his position, the way his body stiffened and became more aggressive, the way his face lifted in a sneer.

"Dueling in the hallways is against the rules," Potter said quietly into my ear.

"I don't care. I've had _enough_," I said harshly.

"As much as I would love to see you have a go at him, I don't think you'd like a detention blemishing your perfect record," He said teasingly, but I could hear something else in his voice I couldn't quite distinguish.

I sighed and lowered my wand, but didn't stow it. A crowd of students had collected around us. Sirius stood with his wand out beside me. I was surprised, but found it strangely comforting.

"Let's go, Evans," he said in an undertone.

"Everyone get on to their classes!" Remus yelled.

The students started and went on their way, a loud murmur of voices echoing off the stone walls. Sev was engulfed by Slytherins, several of whom shot me dirty looks.

"You al–"

"No, I'm not alright Potter," I said before he could finish his question.

He chuckled and slung a book bag further up his shoulder. I realized it was mine.

"I've got that." I reached out a hand to take it.

He shook his head, smiling. "It's no bother."

I frowned, but let him continue carrying it.

"Got to say I'm surprised at you, Evans," Sirius said, raising an eyebrow and looking down at me.

"I'm surprised you backed me up," I muttered.

"Hey, I didn't do it for you," he said, hands up. "I'll take any chance I get to have a go at the slimy gits."

I chuckled mirthlessly. "Fair enough."

"I wasn't actually sure it was you, Lily. But the red hair gave it away," Remus commented teasingly.

"Aren't you angry, Remus? I was completely irresponsible. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have reacted so…so…" I trailed off, thinking of the right word.

"Brilliantly?" James supplied.

"Spectacularly?" Sirius suggested.

"Irrationally," I said firmly, giving each of them a look.

Remus grinned. "I'm actually just amazed that you pulled out your wand at all. He had it coming."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Lily he's been a complete jerk to you. He deserved to get a wand pulled on him," Remus told me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"He deserved a lot more than that," James muttered.

I sighed and stuck my hand into my robes, pulling out his wand.

"Maybe you'll need this next time," I told him.

* * *

**James was naturally a fast learner. And that fact made him want to show off.**

Date: October 1976  
Year 6, first term  
James Potter

* * *

I watched Lily walk down the hall and disappear around the corner.

"Alright, lover boy, let's get on," Sirius said, and shoved me in the opposite direction.

I stumbled and rolled my eyes. Remus laughed and clapped me on the back.

"Surprised you actually managed to listen to reason back there," Moony said with a smirk.

"You have a fever?" Padfoot chimed in, putting his fingers to my forehead.

Swatting him away, I frowned. "As much as I wanted him to get hell, I didn't want anything to happen to Lily. We'll find a way later to beat the bastard."

Padfoot grinned and Moony looked thoughtful. We made our way into Transfiguration, the only class I hadn't managed to get in Lily's section. Pete had already saved us our usual seats.

McGonagal sat at her desk, primed and ready. Her eyes looked out stonily from beneath the wide brim of her hat and her face had a generally grim expression. I grinned and slid into my seat.

Today's lesson didn't need much concentration. I could do transfiguration in my sleep; which was fine with me, because it left me more time to analyze what had come over one Miss Lily Evans.


End file.
